9 Moms You Meet in the Pediatrician's Waiting Room

pediatrician's officeGoing to the pediatrician's office is rarely a good thing. The only time it's something to look forward to is when you think you might be able to sneak in a nap before the doctor gets to the room. (Note: Those crinkly paper covers they put on the patients' tables make this difficult, but not impossible.)


The next time you go to see Dr. Shots and Screaming, take a look around the waiting room. Here's betting you'll see more than a few of the nine moms listed below. In fact, we've all probably been every single one of these moms at some point or another. 

The "What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger" Mom

This is the mom who is done getting worked up about things like germs and cleanliness. This isn't her first time at this particular rodeo. She knows that when she's not looking, her kids are licking door handles at the mall, and yet, they live on. She's pretty chill at the pediatrician's office, because she says, "Fine, let my child lick the fish tank. It will only improve his immune system."

The Six-Week Visit Mom

You can always pick out the brand-new mom who's there for her baby's six-week visit. This is about the time she realizes that she will never sleep again, and she looks it. She's got circles under her eyes that are so deep and dark she could be an extra on The Walking Dead, and everything she's wearing is elastic. Make eye contact at your own risk -- she's grumpy and might ask you to hold her baby so she can go outside and take a nap in her car.

The Mom With Her Embarrassed Teenager

Did you know that your kid can go to the pediatrician until they are 21? This mom does, and so does her 16-year-old daughter, the one who is red in the face and scowling. These two have been fighting all morning because the daughter claims that being in this room filled with babies and primary colors is going to be the most embarrassing thing that will ever happen to her and will probably ruin her life. Mom don't care. Mom is tight-lipped and reading Highlights. This is happening.

The Face Mask and Hand Sanitizer Mom

Those face masks are supposed to be for kids with coughs or who might be contagious, but she is strapping one on her kid to keep him safe from you and your sneezy little monster. Her eyes are darting around the room trying to diagnose everyone else's child so that she will know who to blame if her kid starts vomiting tonight. She smells like rubbing alcohol and fear.

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The Mom Who Hasn't Told her Kids They're Getting Shots

This mom is unusually perky and full of cheer. Why? Because she hasn't told her 2-year-old and 5-year-old that they are getting shots today and is trying not to tip them off. She is playing with her kids and telling them how excited she is to see the doctor in a determinedly happy, manic kind of way. She needs to fake it for the next few minutes so she can pretend to be surprised when the nurse drops the bad news. Dear baby Jesus, she just wants to go home.

The Working Mom 

Who is that woman? Why is she wearing makeup and heels and -- oh my goodness -- white pants?! Maybe she's lost? Or a pharmaceutical rep? No, she's a working mom. She had to ask her boss nicely if she could have a couple of hours to take her kid to the doctor, and then had to explain why this appointment couldn't happen during the evening or on the weekend, why she doesn't have anyone else to take her child in, and why it will take more than an hour. She's stressed out and checking her work e-mail on her phone. But she looks damn good.

The Mom Who Is Thrilled To Have An Activity

This mom is genuinely happy to be here. She doesn't have to come up with an activity for her toddler this afternoon because they are at the doctor. She is smiling, she is relaxed, and she doesn't mind if the doctor is running late. Her kid is playing with blocks in the corner and she is sitting down. Life is beautiful.

The Mom With The Leaky Kid

This mom is really, really nervous. She is keeping her kid within arm's reach and is carrying a plastic bag and a beach towel. It's not clear what's wrong with this child, but obviously it involves involuntary and sudden liquids. Keep your distance.

More from The Stir: Stop Sending Your Sick Kid to School or Start Paying my Pediatrician Bills

The Mom Who Wants Out Right Now

Unlike some of the other moms we've described, this mom would rather be anywhere on earth right now than in this waiting room. She has things to do, and her child is being a grade-A turd. She wants to get out of here, put on some Sesame Street for her kid, and clean her house because she stupidly arranged to have a playdate this afternoon. She is in a bad place and would much rather be in this bad place in the privacy of her home. With Elmo.

So who's next in line?

What kinds of moms do you see at the pediatrician's office? Are you any of the ones listed above?

Image via © iStock.com/vgajic 

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