For something all the experts agree is pretty much the best thing you can do for your baby, breastfeeding (in public, anyway) can bring out the haters like nothing else. I'm currently breastfeeding my third child, and over the years I've heard everything from "You'll need to stop, ma'am, people are complaining" (from a flight attendant on an airplane where NO ONE was complaining or even noticed that I was breastfeeding my then-infant so her ears wouldn't pop, like the doctor recommended) to "Can't you just give her formula?"
Being the peace-loving type that I am, I generally just ignore comments like these. Okay, that's a huge lie -- I usually glare at the person making the offensive comment and sputter something highly inappropriate for anyone holding a baby to say out loud.
But the best defense against ignorant, unsolicited sentiments of any kind of course, is humor. It's just hard to come up with a witty one-liner on the spot, especially when you've got a hungry baby attached to your body! So here's a list of comebacks for the next time somebody throws some boob-phobic shade your way.
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1. Oh, I'm sorry -- did you not know this is what breasts are actually for? Crazy, I know -- turns out they're not just for selling sexy lingerie after all!
2. Perhaps you'd rather hear my baby scream? Hang on just a sec, that can be arranged!
3. Sure, I'll feed my baby in a public restroom -- just as soon as you go finish your latte in that stinky bathroom stall.
4. What's that sound? Is that 1952 calling? It wants its misogynistic definition of appropriate public behavior back.
5. Go on. Tell me more about your sexual hang-ups.
6. A baby eating the way nature intended is not offensive. You on the other hand ...
7. This is called a breast. I assume you're staring like that because you've never seen one before.
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8. Hmmm, let me think for a minute about what's more important: Your personal comfort level or keeping my baby alive ... yeah, I'm gonna go with KEEPING MY BABY ALIVE!
9. Wait a second, you mean this isn't a topless beach?!
10. Maybe you'd feel better about seeing my boobs if I was pole dancing?
What's the best comeback you ever gave to someone who criticized you for breastfeeding in public?
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