How to Explain '50 Shades of Grey' to Nosy Kids

jamie dornan

Remember that song they used to play on Sesame Street when we were kids: "One of these things is not like the other"? That's pretty much the situation at a drive-in theater in Concord, California, where kid-friendly blockbuster SpongeBob 2 is playing opposite kid-unfriendly blockbuster Fifty Shades of Grey. And when we say opposite, we mean, like, right next to each other -- so pint-sized fans of the pineapple-dwelling cartoon character are more or less guaranteed to catch a glimpse of Ana and Christian getting it on. 

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Some local parents are not pleased about this possibility, and I can completely understand why; after all, not many moms and dads would choose to serve up their kids' PG-rated entertainment with a side of BDSM. (Folks are also apparently concerned over the risks posed to passing motorists by drive-in theaters playing Fifty Shades.)

More from The Stir: Quiz: What's Your '50 Shades of Grey' Movie-Viewing Style?

But has it occurred to anyone that maybe, just maybe, these righteously indignant types would do better to view this as a glass half-full scenario? I mean, when you think about it, this drive-in is sort of providing grown-ups with a brilliant way to combine date night and family night ... assuming kids can keep their eyes on the right flick, of course. And if they can't? Well, parents can always explain away some of the more unsettling images flashing across that neighboring screen, right? For example:

1. Oh, that man is just putting that lady in handcuffs because he's an undercover police officer.

2. That's not a whip, it's a really long flyswatter. What, you didn't see that fly on her belly?

3. Why yes, she is getting a spanking because she forgot to clean her room.

4. Uh, that's just what two people do when they love each other very, very much. 

5. I guess that man's favorite color is red, just like yours!

Genius, right? (And if they don't stop asking questions? Well, that's what overpriced popcorn is for -- keeping inquiring little mouths full!)

Would you take your kid to see a movie at a drive-in where Fifty Shades was playing?

 

Image via Universal Studios and Focus Features

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