25 Greatest Mysteries of Motherhood

confused kidMotherhood seems like it’d be a pretty simple thing. That is, until you actually become a mother, and you suddenly find your world full of more brain scratchers than an entire library of Nancy Drew books. Here are just a few of the everyday mysteries that puzzle us moms to no end:

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1. Does purchasing brand-new shoes actually make feet grow?

2. Why is getting kids up at 7 a.m. the worst form of torture on a school morning, but they’re already bouncing off the walls at 6 a.m. on a Saturday?

3. How come more time and effort you put into cooking a healthy meal, the faster your kids will turn up their noses and yell, “Gross! Dis is yucky!”?

4. Why is it that 10 seconds after you hit it off with a mom at the park, your kid hits her kid with a shovel?

5. Does your always-reliable car only decide to have engine trouble on the mornings you wear a bathrobe and mismatched Crocs to school drop-off?

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6. Do lice conspire to show up the night you’re hosting a slumber party for 10 girls?

7. When your baby pulls something out of your purse and waves it around at strangers, why is it always a jumbo tampon?

8. Do school cafeterias only serve pizza and ketchup on picture day?

9. Why does a child wait until church to scream the swear word she learned that time Daddy stubbed his toe?

10. Does having a grocery cart full of wine bottles guarantee you’ll see your kid’s teacher in the check-out line?

11. Do stomach bugs only activate the moment you’re boarding a four-hour flight to Disneyland?

12. Why do children happily pose for cellphone pictures, then turn into wild animals the second you’re on the clock with a professional photographer?

13. How come the kid who gobbles up broccoli at home suddenly acts like it’s live worms when it’s served at your mother-in-law’s house?

14. Why do kids beg to stay indoors and do crafts on sunny days, then beg to go outside when it’s gross and raining?

15. How does a tiny packet of glitter expand to cover your entire house for the rest of eternity?

16. Why does a dinosaur-obsessed kid wait until you spend $500 on a dinosaur-themed birthday party to tell you she no longer likes dinosaurs?

17. When your pediatrician asks your kid if they always sit in a car seat, why is their answer always, “Not really”?

18. How come nobody has to go potty until after you’ve spent 15 minutes getting them all dressed in their winter wear?

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19. Why do kids wait until Sunday night to tell you they have a 3-D model of the White House due Monday morning?

20. When you accidentally drop a pill on the ground, why is the preschooler the only one who finds it?

21. What is it that makes the new stuffed animal in your toddler’s crib adorable at 2 p.m. but terrifying at 2 a.m.?

22. Do kids automatically know to worship the one or two children’s TV shows that make your skin crawl?

23. How come your daughter only spills food on her $50 sweater, yet her free t-shirt from the mall is spotless?

24. Why is “Brick House” always blasting on the car stereo when you’re driving carpool to vacation Bible school?

25. And finally, how come as soon as we know how to deal with our child’s development stage, they jump into a new one?

What other confounding mysteries of motherhood have you come across?

 

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