10 Products Every Overly Paranoid Mom Needs (PHOTOS)

Stephanie Booth | Feb 12, 2016 Being a Mom

gund diaper bagIt's a big, scary world out there -- and raising a child only makes it seem more so. Thank goodness for companies that capitalize on our MomFear and make all kinds of protective products that will Keep. Us. Safe.

Here are the products every mom "needs" to protect herself -- and her family.

 

Image via RapidEye/Shutterstock

  • Soccer Mom Pepper Spray

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    Image via RoseGuardian.net

    You love watching your kids play soccer. And you also love not being attacked. Hey, here's an idea -- why not combine the two? Don't let this cute li'l canister (which hooks onto your keys) fool you. For just $11.95, it'll shoot a stream of nasty pepper spray up to 10 feet. (Is that far enough to reach the ref?)

  • Super-Stylish Stun Gun

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    Image via RoseGuardian.net

    You never know when you're going to have to literally stop someone in his tracks. For $99.99, the Bellamax Stun Gun gives you 2.5 million volts in the palm of your hand. (Or, well, actually on your purse strap where you keep it.)

  • Jewelry That Jabs

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    Who says self-defense products have to be unattractive? On Etsy, you can buy bad-ass jewelry, like the $30.00 resin ring pictured here, that is made to effectively poke and prod a would-be attacker.

    More from The Stir: Self Defense: The One Move Every Woman Needs to Know

  • A Good Rap

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    Image via TBO-Tech

    "What's that in your purse, Mom?"

    "Oh, you know, just a collapsible steel baton ($28.95) that extends to 21 inches and can smack the heck out of someone. Cute, isn't it?"

    More from The Stir: How Groin-Kicking Strangers Helps Me Reclaim My Mom Mojo

  • A Smarter Phone

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    Image via TBO-Tech

    You can have a smart phone. Or for $51.95, you can have The Immobilizer. (Which really needs to be said with an Arnold Schwarzenegger accent.) This little baby makes a call no attacker wants to get: 5.5 million volts of electricity.

  • All-Seeing Air Freshener

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    Image via TBO-Tech

    In most circumstances, you probably wouldn't fork over $382 for an air freshener -- even one that made your house smell like Christmas trees. But when you've got to spy on your nanny/teenager and a "Teddy Cam" won't do the trick, you need this DVR camera that masquerades as an air freshener. No one will ever suspect -- except, of course, that it doesn't really give off a scent.

  • Cutting Edge Lipstick

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    Image via Amazon.com

    Looks like a normal lipstick; cuts like a 3" knife. (And at for $8.89, it's a real bargain!) Just don't let your kids accidentally use it to "play makeup."

  • Loaded Diaper Bag

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    Any mom would be thrilled to carry around this cute batik diaper bag ($35). See that opening? It's a concealed inside pocket, made especially to hold your handgun. (Pay a little extra and you'll also get a holder that keeps your gun from sliding around and smashing up your little one's goldfish crackers.)

    More from The Stir: Gun Safety PSA Turns Hysterical When Little Boys Discover Mom's Toys (VIDEO)

  • Dangerously Cute Baseball Cap

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    Image via Amazon.com

    You're at the beach or Disney World with your family, but who knows -- danger could lurk nearby. (Not to mention, the sun could get in your eyes.) Enter the Night Watchman Sap Cap Extreme ($24.99.) Sure, it looks like any old baseball cap, but it's lined with a material that's 100 times the density of lead.

  • A Potentially Permanent Marker

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    Image via Amazon.com

    Sure, it looks like a permanent marker -- and it is. But Cold Steel's Pocket Shark ($8.39) has walls four times thicker than a normal pen so it doubles as an effective weapon. You can drive off an attacker with percussion blows or pressure point strikes. (And if you know what those are, we think this could be the gadget for you!)

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