25 Things Said By No Mom Ever

mom toddlers

As the mom of a toddler and an infant, there are a lot of things I say on a daily basis. "Please get down from there;" "No, we don't eat flowers;" and "Can you hand me a burp cloth?" are among them. There are other things, however, that neither I nor any mother in her right mind ever utter. Here, 25 things you'll never hear a mama say.  


1. "Any one else have a fantastic sleep last night?"

2. "I'm heading out for a few quick errands. Who wants to join?"

3. "No thanks, I'm going to pass on a glass of wine tonight."

4. "I'll take the white couches and the white duvet."

5. "I'm so happy you want kale for dinner tonight instead of macaroni and cheese."

6. "I can't wait until Junior stops taking naps."

7. "It's bed time already? Oh, man!" (frowny face)

8. "Nah, I don't need anything at the store."

9. "I'm thinking of giving up coffee."

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10. "Let's go outside and do a snow dance so they cancel school tomorrow!"

11. "It's so quiet in here you could hear a pin drop."

12. "Why would anyone ever need a stain stick?"

13. "My car is spotless!"

14. "Ooh, it's 6 a.m. Let's go find your xylophone!"

15. "I'm just gonna sit down on the couch and finish my book."

16. "I trust you to not touch my computer/phone/any tech gadget."

17. "Five p.m. is always the most relaxing part of my day."

18. "I'm so glad I never have children's music stuck in my head -- that would be so annoying!"

19. "I think I'm going to sleep in tomorrow."

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20. "Oh, there's that thing I was looking for!"

21. "Let's just bring a carry-on on our vacation."

22. "I'm really looking forward to the flight."

23. "The laundry basket's empty!"

24. "I'm just going to set this chocolate bar down on the counter."

25. "I'm bored."

What things never come out of your mouth?


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