Dyeing My Hair Purple Helped Me Find the Person I Lost When I Became a Mom

Being a mother will change you. Having a baby changes your whole world. In many ways I agree with the cliché warnings bestowed upon first-time mamas-to-be. Having kids did change many things and -- it changed me. Fours years into this motherhood gig and I'm still finding myself. Still discovering pieces of me that I didn't even know were lost.

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It's easy to get lost in the chaotic monotony of mothering small children. Almost every waking moment can be tied to taking care of them, cleaning up after them, or worrying about them. "Me time" becomes this mystical unicorn that you long for but can't quite seem to capture.

Becoming a mom transformed me and gave me a new perspective. Things I used to think were important became less so and replaced by different things. It's taken time to get comfortable in my new skin (literally and figuratively). Making sure I had dates nights with my husband as well as time for myself was supposed to help keep me from becoming overwhelmed by motherhood.

But something was still missing.

After having my son, I gained more confidence in my parenting. I had two kids, clearly I knew (sorta) what I was doing, right? Becoming a parent really rocked my self-confidence and it took time to gain it back. I stopped caring so much about what I could or should be doing based on other families. I started working more (from home). I found a mom friend who really gets me and started to build my tribe. My life began to resemble more of how it looked pre-kids.

Something was still missing, but I didn't really know it.

Last year I made the tough decision to start growing out my gray hair. I just couldn't keep up with the maintenance required to keep my hair dark like it used to be. A few months ago I lamented to my stylist about how I missed doing funky colors like I did before having the kids. She encouraged me to go for it -- we just wouldn't be going dark all over.

So I dyed my hair purple. I never would have thought about it twice 10 years ago. I tell my daughter to be herself, so why wasn't I being myself? Why was I hiding my style? It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. It's another creative outlet for me. (And my kids love it.)

Shortly after going purple, I started making time to play video games again. Gaming was one of my favorite forms of entertainment until having kids. My husband and I played (video and board games) together as well as with our friends. However, I seldom played after my daughter was born. My main excuse was not having time. I've missed it, but didn't realize just how much until I started giving myself time for it a few nights a week after the little ones went to bed.

For the first time in forever, I really feel like me again. And I'm glad because I want my kids to know "the real me" who is also their mom.

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