10 Hilariously 'Threatening' Letters from Kids

Judy Dutton | Jan 14, 2015 Being a Mom

funny assassin letter from kid

Kids have a lot to get off their chests, and there's no healthier way to express those feelings -- particularly the negative ones -- than by writing them down in a note. Only let's be honest: the results can be pretty funny. As proof, look no further than these hilariously 'threatening' letters written by kids to get a startling glimpse inside the twisted minds of the little devils you're raising.

Whoa, what would you do if you woke up to #5?

 

Image via Imgur

  • Hold the Cheese

    1

    "Sory mom but you knew I do not like chees I am not going to talk!"

    We think it's definitely time for this mom to give up trying to serve her kid Velveeta.

  • He Put Your Barbie Where? You'll Poop on What?

    2

    "Mom Charlie poot my Barbie in his but hole and got poop in her hair if he dose n ot get in truble I will poop on his hamster."

    Eye for an eye, poop for a poop! Seems like a fitting retaliation on poor Barbie's behalf.

  • Short and Not So Sweet

    3

    "Dear Valerie, Get out of my life."

    Dear kid who wrote this letter: you've already made it abundantly clear that Valerie should get lost. Did you have to include a beheaded, disrobed stick figure? Anyway, we have no doubt she'll steer clear of you.

    More from The Stir: 15 Unintentionally Hilarious & Inappropriate Kid Drawings (PHOTOS)

  • Um, What Assassins?

    4

    "Good morning I see my assassins have faild. Catherine"

    And good morning to you, too!

  • Keep Out!

    5

    "This is not your house!!!!!! Dear grandma this is not your house. so stop cleaning it or else we will lock you in a safe and open it the day after. Did you like my chose of fast mail? P.S send the envilope back i don't have many. By: Bredyn and Allison."

    Grandmothers clean up your mess... and this is the thanks they get?

  • I'm Sorry, But...

    6

    "Dear Jase, I'm sorry for kicking you with a feather. Kicking is not okay because it hurts peope. Also don't forget about the time when you were a baby -- a crying little devil -- but I liked you and now you still are a crying little devil who gets away with everything. I remember when Layla used your carpet as a diaper, Ha, Ha, and Ha. Sincerly, Ty."

    Love how this letter starts as an apology, then quickly morphs into a scathing insult. But we can see Ty's point, because kicking someone with a feather doesn't seem all that bad.

  • He Threw Out What?!

    7

    "DAD I E M AGRE BCUS YOU THROD UWA X OR-FOTHERS DAY PRESIT IF I CACH YOU DOWIN IT AGAN I WIL HIT YOU HRD SINR LAUREN."

    This one needs some translation, but we think it says: "Dad, I am angry because you throwed away your father’s day present. If I catch you doing it again, I will hit you hard." In this case we kinda side with the kid... what kind of dad chucks his daughter's gift?

  • The Tooth Fairy Got Her Period?

    8

    "Dear ToothFairy, SORRY ABOUT YOUR PERIOD AND HEADACKE I WAS VERY AND STILL AM DISSAPOINTED IN YOU. YOU KEPT ME WAITING. GIVE ME MORE MONEY BECAUSE YOU NEVER CAME AND IM NOT GIVING YOU MY TOOTH. PIRIOD OR NO PIRIOD I'M UPSET. AND I'M TELLING ALL MY Friends Sincerely, Danielle"

    Clearly, some mom was forced to concoct a huge fib to cover up the fact that she forgot to put money under her daughter's pillow, and is now paying for it by watching her girl turn bitter before she's even old enough to date.

     

  • Brotherly Love

    9

    "friday: spy
    saturday: scare her
    sunday: run away
    monday: hide trains
    tuesday: sneak and pinch her butt
    wensday: copy her
    thursday: go see her when going to bathroom
    friday: steal her backback
    saturday: baby talk
    sunday: sneak under the piano when she is praticing
    monday: twalk about funny things about her on facebook
    tuesday: hide library books (if she has some)"

    This poor sister. We feel for her.

  • Happy New Years... Not

    10

    "To Mom and Dad My NYears Resolution is to never talk, be nice, or happy to you. Not sincerly, J.A."

    This New Year's resolution will be hard to keep, but if that huge frowny face is any indication this kid may last, oh, a whole 48 hours.

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