10 Hilariously Inappropriate Toys for Kids (PHOTOS)

10 Hilariously Inappropriate Toys for Kids (PHOTOS)

perverted kid's toyI don't know about you, but I can't even count how many times I strolled through the aisles of a toy store or picked up one of my kid's playthings and thought to myself (in the voice of Jerry Seinfeld), Who are the ad wizards who came up with this one? Definitely maybe I have a dirtier mind than most, but some children's toys are so, er, adult-looking that one has to wonder if they were meant as a private dirty joke for parents (it's either that, or the people in charge of designing these things have absolutely no firsthand knowledge of human anatomy). The good news about such disturbingly inappropriate toys is that any innuendos generally tend to go over kids' heads, but still -- how are you supposed to keep a straight face when something like one of these not-so-innocent items finds its way to your playroom?

  • Play-Doh Sweet Shoppe Cake Mountain Playset


    Image via Twitter

    Play D'oh, indeed: This what-in-god's-name-were-they-thinking plastic putty pumper is so unrepentantly phallic, Play-Doh is in the process of updating the playset and is offering to send replacement parts to offended parents. Thanks, Play-Doh, but there ain't no unseeing that thing.

  • SpongeBob Pez Dispensers


    Image via Mike Mozart/Flickr

    Looks like SpongeBob and Patrick are having themselves some kinda kinky underwater party. SpongeBob "Keep It In Your" Pants, more like.

  • E.T. Finger Light


    Image via Amazon

    E.T. phone . . . um, I don't know who that (previously) lovable alien might be planning on dialing up with this perved-out finger, but it better not be my kid.

  • Wolverine Squeaky Hammer


    Image via Mike Mozart/Flickr

    Okay, not only did they place the nozzle of this blow-up toy squarely on Wolverine's crotch, they named it a freaking SQUEAKY HAMMER. Are you kidding me?!

  • Muppets Hot Wheels (Beaker)


    Image via Amazon

    I believe the expression on Beaker's face on the package says it all. (Oh and hey! This one is still available for purchase!)

  • Punisher Shape Shifter


    Image via Mike Mozart/Flickr

    Whoa there, Punisher! Is that a weapon in your pants or are you just the sick, twisted fantasy of some messed-up Marvel exec (who's most likely been fired since this thing hit the shelves)?

  • Whippin' Web Chuk Spider-Man


    Image via Amazon

    Spider-Man better watch where he's whippin' those "web chuks." Somebody could lose an eye, for Pete's sake.

  • Discovery Kids "Real Skin" Dinosaur


    Image via Mike Mozart/Flickr

    The real "discovery" here is that necrophilia was a thing even back in prehistoric times. The "real skin" part only makes the whole thing creepier.

  • Disney's Rad Repeatin' Tarzan


    Image via Amazon

    Apparently Tarzan hasn't seen Jane for quite some time, so he's been forced to take matters into his own . . . hand.

  • SpongeBob Spin Pop


    Image via Mike Mozart/Flickr

    My eyes, my eyes! That's a LOLLIPOP on the end of that, uh, stick. A lollipop your kid is supposed to LICK. Lifelong SpongeBob nightmares FTW.


More Slideshows