10 Outrageous Products Made With Helicopter Moms in Mind

You've heard of helicopter moms -- the ones who put their children on a leash (while their dog runs free), micromanage homework, and eventually accompany their kiddos to their very first slumber party/prom/job interview. Well, lucky for them, plenty of products cater directly to their need to be over-involved and track their kids' every move.

Click through to see the over-the-top products that are every helicopter mom's dream.

products for helicopter moms

Could you use #4 with a straight face?


Image © iStock.com/matka_Wariatka

  • When Asking 'Did You Brush?' Isn't Enough

    1

    Is checking your child's breath to see if they brushed just too old school? Then the Beam Brush ($29) is for you. It's the world's first app-connected toothbrush, which sends info directly to your smartphone about how long your kiddo truly scrubbed his pearly whites. Good children who follow the two-minute rule can earn rewards like movie tickets and deals on video games. Children who don't will likely get an angry phone call -- and text. And email -- from Mommy.

  • When Holding Hands With Your Toddler Isn't Enough

    2

    You're in a crowded mall/airport/zoo with your toddler. You're holding her hand but it doesn't feel ... fail-proof. May we suggest then the Toddler Tag Child Locator ($29.95)? Attach this "unobtrusive" device to your child's clothes or shoe, and the moment they wander more than 30 feet away from you, that transmitter will emit a loud beep, scaring the hell out of you both. We like that if anyone's bothering your child (perhaps a monkey glares from inside its habitat?), you can also remotely set off the alarm, deterring any potential threats to your precious child's emotional well-being.

  • When Seeing That Your Child's Breathing Isn't Enough

    3

    Don't let this cute little teddy fool you. It means business. The Kid Tracker ($88.99) is actually a remote positioning device that uses GPS, GSM, and GPRS technologies. Wondering exactly where your kiddo is? This sends latitude and longitude directly to your smartphone. We are not entirely sure, however, why Mr. Bear comes with a pair of very realistic handcuffs -- unless you are training your child to be a spy.

  • When Letting Your Baby Fart Isn't Enough

    4

    Passing gas can be tough for little tummies. Never fear, The Windi ($15 for a box of 10) is here! This single-use catheter -- which is meant to be gently inserted into a baby's rectum -- can help farts happen just a little faster. Per the directions on the box, you'll hear a whistling sound when the gas successfully comes out. We think it sounds like, "Thanks, Mom!"

    More From The Stir: 7 Brilliant Inventions by Moms for Moms

  • When Gravity Isn't Enough

    5

    Small baby, big world. There's a lot out there that can go wrong when they're learning to walk! So what's a nervous parent to do? Swaddling your babe in bubble wrap is a teensy bit too much, but the next best thing is the Baby No Bumps! For $42.95, you get a biiiiig helmet for your little guy.

  • When Feeling Your Baby Kick Isn't Enough

    6

    Helicopter parenting starts in the womb, people. And the KickBee(TM) is proof! It's a stretchable band containing vibration sensors that you wear while you're pregnant; when it detects your baby kicking, it tweets out the news: "I kicked Mommy!" (And texts the news to all your friends so they can act like they care.)

  • When Soothing Your Baby Isn't Enough

    7

    You know how there's a collar you can put around your dog's neck that's supposed to translate its bark? There's now a gadget, WhyCry ($52.34), that can interepret a baby's cries. In a mere 7 to 8 seconds, a colored light indicates if your infant is annoyed, bored, hungry, sleepy, or stressed -- just in case you didn't trust your maternal instincts.

  • When Washing Your Child's Hands Isn't Enough

    8

    Bathrooms are germy, we get it. Lollipops are sticky, sure. But that's why there's water and soap and this magical strategy called ... washing your hands. But helicopter moms aren't convinced. They prefer disposable hand covers called Gotta Go Mitts ($3.99). Classier than Saran Wrap, we'll give you that.

    More From The Stir: Hand Washing 101: Tips You Need to Avoid Getting Sick

  • When Seeing Your Baby Thrive Isn't Enough

    9

    Yes, you could trust that if your baby's smiling, sleeping, eating, and pooping normally, she's probably A-okay. But! Parents worry. A lot. So behold the Owlet Vitals Monitor ($250), a high-tech sensor tucked into a baby sock that monitors your infant's heart rate, blood-oxygen levels, skin temperature, and sleep quality. Data streams (in real-time, of course) directly to your smartphone. If Life thinks it's going to pull anything over on these parents, then Life is sorely mistaken.

  • When Just Snuggling With a Teddy Bear Isn't Enough

    10

    A stuffed animal that's made to be held and loved and ... does nothing else? So early 2000s! Today's "smart" teddy bear, Teddy the Guardian (169 euros), multitasks like no one's business. Each time your child takes Teddy by the hand, he secretly measures their heart rate, oxygen saturation, and body temperature, then efficiently transmits that info to your pediatrician's app. We wonder if the beta version will also check ears, nose, and throat? Because we like to imagine a furry little paw holding a tongue depressor.

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