Parenting

5 Ways Parenthood Is Like the Zombie Apocalypse

mom and child screamingAll too often, I find myself talking about parenthood as if it was the zombie apocalypse. After watching my favorite show, The Walking Dead, every Sunday night, I have realized it can be difficult to tell the difference. Here are five ways being a parent is exactly like surviving a zombie apocalypse.

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  1. I can’t sleep.
    I vaguely remember what a restful night's sleep was like, but I've come to peace with the fact that I will always sleep with one eye open. But it’s not a reanimated corpse that keeps me up at night—it’s a two year old.
  2. Time has lost all meaning.
    I used to make plans and keep them. I used to go shopping and to the movies. I once slept in a bed undisturbed. Those things are a memory now. Days blur together. An hour feels like an eternity. Did I eat today? I have no idea.

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  3. Everything is gross.
    I catch vomit in my hands and sniff butts to check for poop. The other day I found a booger in my ear and it was not mine. At any given moment some type of bodily fluid could be released and it’s my job to clean it up. These acts may not be just like battling undead creatures who are trying to eat your brains, but they’re pretty close.

  4. I am not safe.
    There are so many blissful moments as a parent like when my daughter eats all of her dinner and takes a bath without a complaint. Once in a while, the bedtime routine doesn't leave me feeling like I need a drink. After my child is asleep, I think it's safe to put my feet up and enjoy a book or movie. But the pitter patter of feet and the shrill shriek approaching late at night puts me right back in my place.
  5. There’s nowhere to hide.
    I cannot remember the last time I went to the bathroom without someone watching me or banging on the door. Good luck finding a spot remote enough to eat a meal in peace. I can't run errands, go for a walk or do much of anything without the feeling that I’m being followed.

The parallels between the zombie apocalypse and life with a toddler are too numerous to list.

How often does your child have you feeling like you’re a character on The Walking Dead?

Originally appeared on MommyNearest.com.

Written by Amanda Russo. Amanda is a certified preschool special education teacher. She lives in Brooklyn with her husband and daughter.

 

Image via iStock/mcsdwarken

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