50 Things Every Mom Is Secretly Grateful For

mom son thanksgiving

How many of you do the Thanksgiving tradition where you go around the table saying out loud what you’re thankful for? Okay, now tell me whether or not you’ve been 100 percent honest when it’s your turn to share. Yeah, I thought so -- we typically run our thoughts through a quick make-it-sound-meaningful polish first, don’t we? After all, it’s not just a chance to share what we appreciate in life, it’s a teachable moment for our kids.

Here’s my giant silly list of things lots of moms are TRULY thinking during that moment at the Thanksgiving table ... because when it comes to surviving parenting, sometimes the small stuff is just as important as the big stuff.


We as moms would like to extend our most heartfelt thanks for the following:

1. Two-ply, jumbo-sized toilet paper rolls

2. Dye-free children’s medicine that doesn’t stain when it’s barfed onto the carpet

3. Elastic shoelaces

4. Long nap times

5. Chewable vitamins

6. YouTube videos where people talk about playing Minecraft so my kids can listen to those instead of talking to me about Minecraft

7. Awesomely scented cleaning sprays

8. Those giant bags of white athletic socks so I don’t have to try and find matching pairs

9. Washable markers

10. Squeeze fruit pouches

11. Pediatric dentist offices that offer TVs and earphones

12. They Might Be Giants, for making music everyone can love

13. Epidurals

14. Mid-rise jeans that avoid Mom Butt while still containing the Belly Roll

15. Friends who prefer texting to calling

16. Anyone who’s ever reacted to your kids’ horrendous fish-flopping public tantrum by saying, “This is nothing! I thought CPS was going to be called on us last week!”

17. Flu vaccinations that come in nasal mist rather than shots, PRAISE BE

18. Those adjustable waist bands in kids’ pants for scrawny beanpoles like mine

19. Gravity Falls, because that cartoon is hilarious and the theme song is actually sort of catchy instead of annoying

20. Kid movies that support the whole ‘Santa is a really nice thing to believe in’ concept so you can continue to further the myth without necessarily outright lying

21. People who come over to your filthy, cluttered house and say, “Psssh, you should see MY kitchen right now.”

22. Online shoe companies that offer expedited shipping and free returns so you can confine the kids’ trying-on process to your own home

23. Adult TV shows that are released by the season for maximum post-bedtime bingeing pleasure

24. Economy oversized jars of peanut butter

25. BB creams that let us rush out the door with a minimal amount of makeup on without looking like we haven’t slept in two weeks

26. That giraffe teething toy -- seriously, what is it about that thing?

27. Those snot-sucker bulbs that are totally disgusting but work like a charm

28. Basically every portable electronic device that’s ever been invented

29. Snap-open onesies

30. High-quality ice cream sold by the pint

31. The dollar bins and popcorn counter in big department stores for bribing purposes

32. Online shopping reviews: who’s got time to research Consumer Reports anymore?

33. That other parent at the playground who’s also looking at her phone

34. Partners who enjoy making breakfast for the kids on the weekend (SCORE)

35. The fact that no matter where we are or what time it is, a caffeinated beverage is almost always available for purchase within a half-mile radius

36. Velcro-tab sleep suits that make swaddling a no-brainer

37. Balance bikes

38. Yogurt tubes

39. Anyone who’s ever said, “Don’t worry, my kid wasn’t potty trained until he was (whatever age confession brings you the most relief).”

40. Children’s antihistamines that your kid legitimately needs because he/she has a cold/allergies but also happen work as a sleep agent

41. Parchment paper so we don’t have to clean baking pans all the time

42. Kids who are old enough not to get messed up by Daylight Savings but still young enough so you can change their bedtime without an argument

43. Teachers who tell you they just really think your kid is great

44. Vacuums with automatically retractable cords: GENIUS

45. The giant plethora of babywearing options

46. Restaurants that give your kids lids for their cups without you even having to ask

47. The kids’ area in big-box bookstores on rainy days

48. America’s Funniest Home Videos

49. Trashy magazines at the hair salon

50. Blogs and social media where parents can vent, because MAN, is it ever nice to know we’re not alone

What would you add to this list?

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