23 Thoughts Every Single Mom Has

mother child holding hands walkingBeing a single mother has some unique challenges. So I am learning. As with anything life throws at us, we adjust, adapt, and figure out ways to make the new normal feel, well, normal. Whatever that means. When the reality of a divorce sets in -- that moment when the novelty of no longer fighting or having strife with your ex wears off -- you look at your kids and have terrifying thoughts. You look at yourself in the mirror and realize how scared and worried you are, but you also tell yourself I can do this. We can do this. It's going to be okay.

Because it has to be. And it will. There are so many other things that pop into your head when faced with single motherhood. Here are some observations. 

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  1. In the middle of the night, when your kids wake up, you are the only one to soothe them. There is no "can you go tonight?" or taking turns.
  2. The above of course means you end up drinking way more coffee as a single mom than you did before.
  3. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and all snacks are on you. There is no "honey can you pick up pizza tonight on the way home."
  4. There is no quick running to the supermarket to grab one thing. You can't go alone unless you get a sitter.
  5. There is the strange look the other parents at school give you when it's revealed somehow through some awkward moment that you are divorced.
  6. There are no mom is sick and let's leave her alone for a bit moments.
  7. The bathroom tends to always have an open door policy. My 4-year-old twins know more about periods than they need to.
  8. Showering usually involves the kids outside the shower curtain wondering if you could pour them a drink right now. You never shower in peace -- you are constantly waiting for the shower curtain to open.
  9. When you child asks for their dad and why he isn't here, it's a question that you don't know how to answer. You've tried coming up with a proper response but nothing feels quite right.
  10. You will feel overwhelmed.
  11. You have to kill all the bugs yourself.
  12. Friends will want to set you up with guys who they know love kids. You are so not interested.
  13. Dating again is the worst and best thing that can happen and you find yourself exhilarated and feeling strange.
  14. If you muster the courage to date again, you will want to talk about your kids when out with that someone, but you do your best not to. Because ... too soon.
  15. Money. Wow. Even if you've worried about money before, you worry about it three hundred times more now.
  16. It's scary. It's just you. The sole parent. You start thinking thoughts like what if something happened to you, what about the kids. Then you work yourself into a frenzy and decide nothing can happen to you ever so you start eating bananas every day to be more healthy.
  17. You also shop for all the chocolate things that you love without someone else telling you that you shouldn't eat all that junk. You enjoy that junk so much when the kids go to bed.
  18. You will second guess your ability. Every ability.
  19. You are tired. Very, very, very tired.
  20. You might find yourself talking to yourself a lot. Sometimes out loud; sometimes just in your head. You are a really good listener to yourself.
  21. Your social life is strange. You have mommy friends. Old friends. The friends you had with your ex. You seem to only manage to hang out with the mommy friends. The ones that don't care you are (say it quietly now) divorced.
  22. You feel guilty. For everything. For not making the bed. For getting divorced. For making a meal without vegetables.
  23. You feel powerful. You can do this. You are doing this. You are doing a great job.

Which of these resonate with you the most? What would you add?


 
Image via Ian D. Keating/Flickr

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