'It's a Boy!' -- How I Dealt With Those Shocking Words

bootiesI'm horrible at guessing the sex of people's babies. Including my own. If I tell you you're probably having a girl, run out and buy yourself a blue onesie. My first pregnancy I was convinced I was having a son until my 20-week anatomy scan when the doctor shocked and delighted my husband and me with news that we were having a little girl. Everything up to that point -- the way I was carrying, the way I looked and felt -- had led me to believe I was having a boy. But mainly, I think I had so desperately wanted a daughter, I convinced myself that I was having the opposite.


Until my mother died, a year-and-a-half before I got pregnant, I always thought I wanted a boy. I come from a family of girls and thought it would be nice to mix it up a bit. But after my mother's passing, I started to think more about having a daughter of my own, and it seemed, well, really fantastic. I'm sure a psychologist could give you an exact term, but I realized how close I really was with my mom after she was gone, and I wanted to, in some ways, have a similar relationship where I was the mother. I also, naturally, wanted to do some things differently than she did.

For most of my first trimester and half of my second, I pictured myself with a little boy in order to "prepare" myself for his arrival. I all but told people with certainty that I was, in fact, having a son before I ever found out the baby's sex. But when I was lying there in the warm glow of ultrasound light, belly full of goo, and found out I was having a girl, nothing ever seemed to make more sense in the world. I immediately felt a connection, and I already knew her name.

Like many parents of one, it's hard to imagine having a child of the opposite sex. Everything feels natural with my daughter. I "get" her more than I would a son, and let's be honest: Girl clothes are adorable.

When my doctor told my husband and me that we were having a son this time around, I was shocked. I was excited but dumbfounded. A boy? But ... I just assumed I was having another girl. After all, I already have a daughter. I have a sister. I'm a girl. Doesn't life always replicate itself around me?

It was hard to process my feelings that evening. I was happy and intrigued by the idea of a boy. I was glad my husband was getting a son and my daughter a brother, but it was just so ... strange. I know being the mom to a daughter. I'm pretty good at being the mom to a daughter.

Since I've had time to let things sink in, I couldn't be more thrilled that in a few months, I'll be cradling a gorgeous baby boy in my arms. This is the first of the million and one ways he'll surprise me in life, and if parenting has taught me one thing, it's to expect the unexpected. I feel a little guilty for feeling anything other than complete and utter bliss after learning his sex, but I hope someday, he'll find it in his heart to forgive me.

I love you so much already, little boy. You were always meant to be, and I know in a few months time, we'll be wondering how there ever was a world without you.

Now. If we could only come up with a name.

Were you surprised when you found out the sex of your baby?


Image via marie smith/Flickr

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