20 Beyond Mortifying Things Toddlers Have Said in Public

laughing toddler

OMG. Have you ever been out in public with your toddler when all of a sudden something so outrageous comes out of his mouth that you don't know whether to die of embarrassment or roll on the floor with laughter in the hopes others will join in?

I think it's pretty safe to say we've all been there. They may be sweet and innocent (most of the time), but little kids definitely don't understand the concept of thinking before they speak or act -- especially around people they don't know.


Check out 20 of the most humiliating things toddlers have ever said in public from moms who dared to share.

  1. My younger daughter walked up to this young girl and slapped her on the butt and said, "Bad!" I was so embarrassed.
  2. My 2-year-old and I were walking through the store and it was obvious that the lady in front of us had either a.) farted something horrible, or b.) pooped her pants. He looked at me all horrified and yelled, "Mommy! That lady STINKEEE!"
  3. My daughter and I were attending an event for my son's school, which was held in the church. She waited until everything got quiet, then she she squealed, "Neenee!" and pulled my blouse and bra down beneath my breasts. The priest, the other parents sitting from the fourth back pew up, and the kids from kindergarten to high school saw my tits ... in church!
  4. I had my daughter in the stall with me in a rest area, and she asked why I had hair on my vagina. Then I heard, from a few stalls down, another little girl say, "Grandma, you have hair on YOUR vagina too!" Both of us came out at about the same time, looked at each other, and just smiled. Little kids. You gotta love them.
  5. My daughter told her teacher that I pee red and shove cotton in my butt. The teacher thought it was hilarious, but I was mortified. 
  6. My son told a stranger at the mall that he liked his cock. I just said, "Remember honey, a clock that you wear like that is called a watch."
  7. When my son was 3 we were on a plane and the turbulence was horrible. We were on a plane every two to six weeks for years, so most turbulence doesn't faze me. But this flight was so horrible, the whole cabin was quiet except for my son. He was giggling up a storm and announced, very loudly, that he liked turbulence because it made his penis tingle! Yup, the whole plane erupted in laughter and I sank down in my seat.
  8. My son pulled his penis out and said, "Look Mommy, I have a penis." Then he jiggled it at an old lady shopping next to us.
  9. My 2-year-old, upon seeing an African American woman nursing her baby at the next table in a restaurant, loudly proclaimed, "Mama, I want her milkies, I looove chocolate milkies!" I seriously debated crawling under our table. Thankfully the woman thought it was adorable and just laughed.
  10. I was out shopping and I had to poop. My son and I went in the stall and the ladies' room was very busy. When I was done, my son said, "Good job Mommy, you took a huge poop!" And he said it very loudly.
  11. While shopping in a department store, my 2-year-old noticed a baby in a powder blue car seat. The car seat was almost the same color as her Bumbo chair so she happily pointed at the baby and announced, "Look Momma! A baby and a BIMBO!" The baby's mom turned around with a furious look on her face. I immediately corrected my daughter and the woman calmed down, but I think it hit a little too close to home for her. 
  12. When my son was around 3, he couldn't pronounce the letter "S." We were waiting in the car while my husband stopped by a corner store to get milk. He asked if I wanted something, and I said I'd like a Snickers bar. My son got excited and started yelling, "Nickers!" at the top of his lungs. Meanwhile a big crowd of African Americans was walking by. I was so totally ducking my head down in my lap.
  13. We were in the check-out line at the store and my 3-year-old son told the lady behind us that he "wanted to be just like his Daddy because Daddy has a big pee pee." I wanted to get out of there as fast as possible.
  14. My daughter once said in the store, "Mommy, can I get fat and ride on a scooter too?!" -- in full earshot of said person on a scooter. I wanted to die.
  15. While shopping, my daughter decided that she needed to use the bathroom. I get her on the toilet, and the stall next to us became occupied. The woman proceeded to be VERY loud in there. She was grunting and stinking up a storm. So what does my kid do? She bangs on the wall between the stalls and she says, "Hey lady! How about a courtesy flush?"
  16. My 3-year-old has announced to more than one stranger that his penis looks like a mushroom. He'll tell anyone who will listen.
  17. My son looked at the lady behind us in the check-out line and said, "Your boobies are so much bigger than mommy's!"
  18. One time we were out to dinner for my dad's birthday. My 3-year-old needed to use the restroom, so I took her with me. After she finished, I went. When I wiped, I discovered I had started my period, so I put on a pad, flushed, we washed our hands, and went back out to the party. As soon as we walked up, my daughter said, "Well, mommy just started her period everyone!" The whole group cracked up while I frantically search for a place to hide!
  19. My oldest daughter, when she was about 2 or 3, was in the toy aisle with me. She got really excited and proceeded to yell out, "DUMB FUCK!!!!" All eyes obviously turned towards me because of the words that just slipped out of my daughter's mouth. What most didn't see was that she was pointing to a dump truck, and she had trouble pronouncing certain sounds at that age. I didn't know whether to bust out laughing at that moment or go find a rock to crawl under. 
  20. My 3-year-old and I were in the ladies' room and all of a sudden he looked at me and said, "Mommy! Where's your penis?" I explained that I'm a girl and girls don't have penises. He looked at me with the most puzzled expression and said, "Then HOW do you pee?!?" The entire restroom started cracking up.

What's the most embarrassing thing your toddler has ever done or said in public?


Image via Ant Strack/Corbis

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