8 Ways My Kids Ruin My Most Frequently-Asked Rhetorical Questions

Have you ever noticed how children, who are the exact same people who have the ability to blow the tiniest thing out of proportion and build enormous tantruming mountains from barely visible molehills, can be weirdly proficient at helping you get perspective in a situation sometimes? If you've ever been, say, stuck in traffic and mentally cursing the sea of red lights in front of you only to hear a cheery voice pipe up from the backseat, "Ooh, that cloud looks like a FLYING PANDA," you know what I mean.

In a similar vein, kids often take things super literally and thus are highly skilled at deflating your most passionate figure-of-speech queries. As in, the things you randomly blurt out loud to absolutely NO ONE as you go about your daily mom business at home. (You don't do this? Pshh. Next thing you'll try to tell me you eat peanut butter spread on bread and not shoveled directly into your nom-hole from the jar.)

For instance:


What I say: "How are we out of milk already? I just went to the store!"

Their response: "I think we drinked it all."

What I say: "Arrrgh! I feel like the laundry NEVER ENDS."

Their response: "That's because we're always wearing clothes."

What I say: "Seriously, nothing today? What's up with THAT?"

Their response: "No one must have mailed you anything."

What I say: "How many times have I told you to turn off the lights in your room when you're not in there?"

Their response: "... Lots of times."

What I say: "Holy cow, why are the windows so dirty?"

Their response: "Looks like you need to clean them."

What I say: "I wonder if you possibly could get ANY closer to the television?"

Their response: "Probably!"

What I say: "Wow, look at this! Awesome! But are you sure they got the right kid? Har de har har."

Their response: "Yeah. See, it says Dylan? That's my name."

What I say: *humming to myself* "Who let the cats out? Who? Who? Who? Who?"

Their response: "You did. Like five minutes ago."

Does this phenomenon happen in your house too?

Images via Linda Sharps

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