12 Things Only Toddlers Can Get Away With Saying

toddlerToddlers. They say the rudest things sometimes, don't they? Well, I guess technically toddlerisms can't be considered rude since little ones are working with a very small vocabulary (and they're not yet familiar with this whole "etiquette" thing). But could you imagine if grown adults said some of the things toddlers say?! You'd want to punch those people in the face! Unfriend them! Have them arrested!

Here are 12 real-life things toddlers have said that NO ONE else on this earth could get away with.


1. "My daughter is obsessed with the monitor. She always pretends it's her phone. One day, after giving her a wonderfully relaxing, 15-minute massage, she softly whispered to me: Monitor. Get it." So demanding! And after a massage, too!

2. "Wipe my butt!" Uh, not even the drunkest person can get away with saying this.

3. "Put Desitin on my bottom!" Again, not something you want to hear from a person taller than four feet.

4. "My son: 'What's that thing below my penis that looks like a vagina and I call a vagina, but's not a vagina?' My husband: 'Your scrotum?' My son: 'Yeah. You're crushing it.'" I mean, gotta give this little one points for sweet manners, but you might be weirded out if your guy friend referred to his scrotum as his vagina.

5. "Back rub!" Try going into a massage parlor and saying this and only this.

6. "Sit down! Read this!" How fast would you quit your job if your boss spoke to you this way?

7. "My son would yell, 'Go away, Dad!' to my husband every time he came home at the end of the day. Did not want to share Mommy." Eh, I guess teenagers kind of get away with this, too. 

8. "Ew, yuck, that's disgusting!" (My daughter's response to various things ... mainly when you give her something to eat she doesn't want.) Note: Might not want to do this at someone's dinner party. 

9. "Every time … and I mean EVERY time I went in to get my son from his nap, he'd be standing there in the crib, and he'd take his paci out, point to his butt, and say, 'A big poop!'" Husbands, don't ever have these words be the first you utter to your wives in the morning.

10. "My son used to repeat, 'I farted' over and over again and laugh at himself." Ditto for this one, guys.

11. "One time we were in first class on the plane and he shouted out, 'Mommy, I poopin'!!!' right as we were taxiing out to the runway. He made grunting noises and everything. I was mortified." This kind of behavior might go over in coach, guys, but not first class.

12. "No." My daughter's response to everything. Nobody likes a Negative Nelly.

What's the craziest thing your toddler ever said?


Image via Justin Paget/Corbis

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