6 'Lies' All Parents Need to Agree on Regarding Santa

Santa Mrs. Claus little boyAs much fun as Christmas traditions are, have you ever noticed what a pain in the ass Santa can be sometimes?!? I mean, the whole part about knowing he's not real but having to go along with the idea that he is for the sake of the kiddos. (Though I still sort of believe in him too.)

I guess keeping up with the Santa bit at home isn't too bad, simply because every family has their own set of "rules" that are pretty easy to stick to.

But what happens when we get out in public -- and the same Santa guidelines we follow don't exactly fall in line with what other parents tell their kids?


Things can get a little bit hairy when our respective Santa stories don't quite add up, which is why I really think it would be a good idea to get a standard, universal set of rules in place to avoid any possible magic spoiling.

Here are six lies about Santa we should all be on the same page about.

  1. Santa isn't a one-man show -- Enough with the "there's only one Santa" thing. Yes, there's only ONE real Santa -- but our kids aren't stupid. They can't possibly think he's at every mall in America at exactly the same time taking photo after photo. Those "Santas" work for him as "helpers." Get it straight, people.
  2. He has a master key -- Yes. A master key to everyone's house. He doesn't always come down the chimney -- because not everyone has chimneys and there are some he simply can't fit through. Every parent needs to know when to play the "key" card.
  3. He's not gluten-free but respects kids who are -- No, he isn't going to pass over the homes of kids who don't leave him the "good" cookies. Have you seen this dude? He's not exactly a picky eater. (Yes, I once heard an adult say something to a gluten-free kid about making sure to leave "normal" cookies out. WTF?)
  4. Santa will not deliver any gifts if you are still awake -- I know a few kiddos who get to stay up late on Christmas, well -- because it's Christmas. And you know what happens when my son hears that? He wants to stay up too. But I have shit to wrap and wine to drink so I use the "Santa won't come until you're asleep" thing. Why all parents aren't on board with this is beyond me.
  5. He knows if you've been bad or good -- OMG, you guys -- we have to start enforcing this one! So many of our kids still get everything on their list even if they haven't been angels, which totally kills our credibility. If we want to milk Santa for all he's worth during the holiday season, we have to start taking gifts off the list in exchange for crappy behavior. (I know. Easier said than done.)
  6. Santa has "deals" with major retailers to cut down on labor -- Yes, he makes most of the toys. But just because some of the stocking stuffers have a Target label on them doesn't mean they didn't come from Santa. He can't be expected to do everything -- so he has Mrs. Claus make a couple shopping trips to take the load off of him a bit.

What other Santa rules should parents follow?


Image via Mary Fischer

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