9 Surefire Ways to Piss Off Your Toddler

crying toddler

You know what's worse than a really energetic little toddler who won't let you sit down for one single second during the day? A seriously ticked off little toddler.

Yes, this is a very cute stage and all -- but have you ever noticed (of course you have) how in the span of a few seconds, our little ones can go from being perfect angels to creatures who resemble the Tasmanian devil? (Or the girl from The Exorcist on a really bad day.)

I mean ... double cross a toddler and it's all over. (Am I right?)


Here are nine ways to absolutely enrage your tot -- who will then use every breath in his tiny body to let you know what a buzz kill you are.

  1. Wake him up from his nap -- OMG. What the hell is wrong with you? The kid is all snuggly and warm in his bed dreaming about cookies, and the next thing he knows -- you're grabbing at him to get up like some sort of drill sergeant. Warning -- it can take hours to recover from a nap wake-up meltdown.
  2. Lose his favorite stuffed animal -- Yes, it's your job to keep track of that thing, not his. Gah. He's only a little kid. You might want to think about microchipping it just in case you run into a "holy shit I can't find Fluffy" moment right before bedtime.
  3. Run out of Cheerios -- ... or whatever his favorite snack happens to be. You gotta keep the pantry stocked like you're prepping for doomsday if you want to avoid a lack-of-food induced temper tantrum.
  4. Turn off Elmo -- Newsflash, your kiddo doesn't care that you have an appointment, which is requiring you to cut Sesame Street short. If you don't schedule your stuff around his TV shows, you're basically asking for it.
  5. Tell him "no" -- It really doesn't matter what you're saying no to. Whatever it is, you might want to grab some earplugs before that word comes out of your mouth.
  6. Look at him the wrong way -- You know what look I'm talking about. Every mom has that one glance that can send her toddler into a state of total discontentment for no apparent reason.
  7. Make him put his coat on -- What the heck is it with toddlers and coats? I know being restrained is a bit of a pain in the ass, but being frozen is totally worse, right? (Not if you're a 2-year-old.)
  8. Make him get dressed at all -- Save yourself the drama and just let him run naked, for crying out loud.
  9. Take him out to eat -- I don't know what it is about restaurants that enrage toddlers, but they're definitely a prime venue to throw an epic fit in front of an audience.

What pisses off your kiddo on a daily basis?


Image via Mike Kemp/Corbis

Read More >