10 Occupational Hazards of Parenting

backacheI'm a big fan of baby-wearing except for one little thing: It hurts. I think I did permanent damage to my lower spine from carrying around my son everyfreakingwhere. I know, I know, I was probably doing it wrong. I didn't have an Ergo. If you really want to know how to do baby carriers right, please check out this baby carriers 101 blog post, which looks super helpful. But you know what? Baby-wearing is just one of several ways parenting can hurt... physically. You get a handle of that and your still dealing with a world of pain. We could spend all day listing the myriad occupational hazards of parenting, but here's just few.


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1. Baby-wearing disk disease. Permanent back ache caused by baby-wearing even while your baby and toddler napped. Also: You're two inches shorter now.

2. Bed-sharing scoliosis. Your body is forever twisted from sharing a bed with a baby or toddler who insists on sleeping in horizontal or diagonal position.

3. Diaper pin thumbs. You tried cloth diapers the old-fashioned way. But no one ever told you how hard it can be to poke a dull pin through that thick cotton. Stock up now on bandages.

4. Colic deafness. So much crying for three months. Now you can't hear anything. What?

5. Stroller hunchback. You thought you'd adjusted the handles of your stroller to fit your height. You were wrong. Will you ever be able to stand up straight again? Probably not.

6. Dead arm. Your baby's giant bowling ball of a head has fallen asleep on your left arm a few too many times. Why is it always your left arm? It's dead now.

7. Breastfeeding backache. Because you never did find a nursing pillow that worked the way you needed it to.

8. Night-pacing sciatica. From nights of pacing with a restless newborn. See also: Sleep-deprivation amnesia.

9. Sleep-deprivation amnesia. I forget. What were we talking about again?

10. New-baby heartache. That heart-squeezy feeling you get when you look at your gorgeous baby sleeping and it just crushes you like nothing ever has ever in your entire life. Yeah, I just got sappy on you. So what?

What kinds of inuries has parenting given you?


Image via Ocean/Corbis


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