The Judgiest Mom I Ever Knew Was Me

omg kidIt's a really good thing the mom I was years ago has no idea what the mom I am now is up to. I don't know if she'd ever forgive me. I mean, don't get me started on screen time. "I've become less anti-video games as my kids have gotten older," muses blogger Gloria Fallon in Mommyish. ORLLY? Me too! I have completely relaxed my militant stand against video games, the one I firmly held when my son was 3 days old. Now that he's 9 years old, it's like "Play on, young gamer, play on. I've got another post to finish/bill to pay/dinner to cook/episode of The Mindy Project to watch." If I only knew then what I know now about parenting, I wouldn't have been such a judgy asshole. Know what I mean? No? Let me give you a few more examples.


1. Candy is bad. Why would any caring parent allow their children to eat candy, i.e. Satan's poison? I'll tell you why. Sit down, let me pour you a glass of wine, and we'll talk about all the many, many reasons why you'd allow your child to eat candy. (Too many to list here.)

2. No SpongeBob. He's a bad influence on children. Now? SpongeBob is spoken here. 

3. No cheap threads. My child shall wear only organic cotton or wool clothing made by ADULT, fairly paid elves in Norway. Now? Okay, we do still have the regulation Hanna Andersson pajamas. But we also have polyester SpongeBob pajamas and suspiciously inexpensive t-shirts and jeans probably made by (gulp) other children.

4. Family dinner at the table every night. It's important to have a civilized meal with your family at an actual table every night. I still believe this, and we had a pretty good run. But lately? I've decided it counts if we're sitting next to each other on the sofa. Basically I need a table that comes to me.

5. Early to bed and early to rise. My kid will go to bed early, just like I did! Here's the thing: The earlier your kid goes to bed, the earlier he rises. DO YOU SEE THE PROBLEM THERE? This is why you want to cultivate a kid who sleeps in. Trust.

6. Sunscreen every day, all day. Haha. Sunscreen when I know he'll be out all day long. Otherwise, we'll just follow the Gwyneth Paltrow "sun is good for you!" philosophy.

I could go on, but I have more writing to do before I return home to feed my son sweet potato fries and nothing but sweet potato fries for dinner. With mayonnaise. OK, I'll probably let him drink apple cider with dinner. OMG, juice!

Were you judgier when you were a new mom than you are now, or did you actually become more judgy?


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