25 Phrases Moms Wish Kids Would Say (But Who Are We Kidding?!)

Let's face it, kids are brutally honest. For instance I had no idea my butt was so jiggly until my daughter nicely informed me. (OK fine, I knew, but I didn't need it pointed out.)

Kids also say lovely honest things, like, "Mommy, I'm lucky you're way more fun than the other mothers" or "Mommy, I bet when we go out, people think we're sisters."

When my little ones say stuff like that, the result is utter joy, which is why I'm inventing Rosetta Stone (Mother Language Edition). Yep, I'll be putting a multitude of beautiful sentiments (we wish our children would utter) on tape, so we can stick headphones on those kiddos while they sleep.


In no time they'll be speaking fluent "Mother" with popular phrases like: "Mommy, I know I can be exhausting ... Cab or Chard?" and "Mommy, even though you can’t seem to convert fractions into decimals, I still think you’re smarter than daddy."

Brilliant right?

Here are some of the other amazing things your children could be saying in no time:

  1. Mommy, how come all the other mothers look so old and you look so young? Was I a teen pregnancy?
  2. Mommy, when I ask you for yet another toy, I’m simply testing your wherewithal to be a good parent and provide limits.
  3. When I have a tantrum over said toy, I’m utterly impressed when you don’t give in! (Also, for the times that you do give in, I promise not to tell anyone.)
  4. Mommy, even though you can’t seem to convert fractions into decimals, I still think you’re smarter than daddy.
  5. Mommy, I don’t want to play another game of Barbies right now, because the amount of time you give me each day is just too much -- even if you’ve been known to nod off in the middle of a ballroom scenario where you're the ugly Barbie with the hand that’s been mauled by the dog, and I’m the other 50 ones you’ve bought me during tantrums (ooops, sorry).
  6. Mommy, can we please run more errands? I consider it valuable quality time.
  7. Mommy, I don't think I want to date until I'm 20.
  8. Mommy, I will love you forever and when I'm married I will still do all the holidays at your house.
  9. Mommy, I was saving up my money for a new Xbox game, but don't I have enough video games? I think it'd be better spent on a spa day for you.
  10. Mommy, I promise to never ask you to drop me off a block away from my destination and pretend we don't know each other. You are my bestie and I want the world to know it.
  11. Mommy, I think hand sanitizer is the most brilliant invention ever. I will use it unsparingly.
  12. Mommy, I'm pretty sure I will find cigarettes, drugs, and alcohol disgusting, which is why I will never try any of them.
  13. Mommy, you shouldn’t feel guilty about checking your email, updating your Facebook status, tweeting, or playing Words With Friends while only half paying attention to me. Nay nay, I’m in awe of your ability to multitask.
  14. Mommy, I know their are children starving, which is why I am going to eat this broccoli with total love and thankfulness in my heart ... and a smile on my face.
  15. Mommy, I know I said I wished someone else’s mom was my mommy because their house had stairs. But I just say that to keep you on your toes. No mommy could be as perfect as you.
  16. Mommy, I don't want that sugary drink or snack, I prefer to be well hydrated and healthy.
  17. Mommy, I'm done with my book, now I'll  just go clean my room, run myself a bath, and get along with my brother.

And here are some additions from my awesome Facebook Fans (who probably think I'm going to share the wealth from my Rosetta Stone Mother Language Edition, which I'm not):

  1. Mommy, I feel sorry for my friends who don't have you for a mom because their mommies are not nearly as funny as you and they always embarrass their kids ... unlike you sweet mommy! -- Amy P.
  2. Mommy, I understand why you yell at me after you have finally cleaned the last Lego up from the 10,000 I dispersed throughout the house and then I dump them all out again because I need that one piece to finish making the car that flies, has a cannon, and looks like a house. -- Sarah S.
  3. Mommy, I put up all of my toys by myself and you didn't have to con me into it with gummy worms. Could I have apple slices instead? -- Hannah L.
  4. My sweet and precious ones aren't imps anymore, but I'm waiting for the day when I hear, "Mom, we know how much you've yearned for this, so we all got together and pitched in and bought you that little getaway place in Tahiti." -- Carolyn V.
  5. Mommy, we've done all of our chores, done all of our homework, and cooked supper for you. Dad will do the dishes and get everything ready for tomorrow. Please go put your feet up and read for as long as you'd like! -- Danielle P.
  6. Mommy, I can hear you when you call my name 10,000 times! I just love to hear the sound of your screeching voice! -- Leslie O.
  7. You were right mom! From now on I'll just take your word for it, no need to figure things out the hard way! -- Erin B.
  8. Mommy isn't it amazing that I am never, ever bored? -- Staci R.

Well, help me become a billionaire ... What phrases would you add to the (Mother Language)?

Image via JenEcards/TheSuburbanJungle.com

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