Good Dads Have Small Testicles (Or So Says Science)

disco ballsI consider myself a good dad, and my wife concurs. So imagine my surprise to learn that science has proposed that this means I have small testicles.

Or maybe it's that because I have small testicles, I am a good dad. It's all a bit confusing.


And annoying. As if being a hands-on, attentive, diaper-changing, horsey-rides-'til-his-back-breaks, will-even-do-windows father wasn't hard enough, now comes news that it may all be connected to being testicularly challenged.

Thanks, science. Thanks a lot.

The flip side of this stunning application of research funds, of course, is that guys who boast oversized baggage are less likely to be interested in dealing with any life form that comes out of it. Apparently having big balls is so preoccupying that you can't spare much time to attend to your offspring. (So single ladies, you may want to add some calipers and a small kitchen scale to your handbag when you hit the clubs.)

I have my own theories about this whole gonad-to-good-dad correlation. For me, being a good father includes playing with my kids. And the more I play with my kids, the greater the probability that I will take a knee, elbow or fist to the daddy business. Over the past few years my manhood has taken more shots than Miley Cyrus after the VMAs. So frankly, I'd be surprised if things weren't getting reduced down there.

Not that any of this really means anything. Despite the beatings I have taken, my wife still managed to get pregnant with twins. Good things come in small packages?

Image via Charles Williams/Flickr

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