5 Reasons I Hate the Tooth Fairy

missing teeth

My middle child lost a tooth last week. Again. And I once again found myself rummaging through every drawer in the house at 2 o'clock in the morning, desperately in search of a dollar bill. I finally ended up digging a bill out of his sister's piggy bank and waking her in the process, wondering who on earth came up with this tradition of trading teeth for cash in the first place. I may be alone here, but I hate the tradition. Why?


1. It's expensive! Did you know that the average tooth fairy payout is $3 per tooth? That’s 60 bucks when all is said and done with their baby teeth. For my three kids, that’s 180 one-dollar bills I’ll need to shell out for this silly rite of passage. And that's if I want to be the cheapest fairy on the block.

2. I never have cash in the house. I'm the one who charges a $2 cup of coffee. Ever since the invention of debit cards, I've just never found a need to carry cash. Until now.

3. It encourages sibling lying. It's never a good thing when the older child knows something the younger ones don't. The balance of power is off and it can only result in trouble.

4. I have to remember something else! As if we don’t have enough on our evening plates with dinner and baths and assembling lunches for the next day and helping with homework and putting out school clothes and catching up on emails and a million other things, we’re expected to stumble into our children’s rooms and discreetly slip money under their pillows without being caught? On behalf of a mythical fairy? My sleep-deprived brain simply doesn't have the stamina to successfully carry through, I’m afraid.

5. I'll inevitably get caught. Come to think of it, that might be the only thing I like about the Tooth Fairy. Thank goodness she's fleeting.

The Tooth Fairy: Love her or hate her?


Image via Scary Mommy

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