17 Things I'd Rather Do With My Time Than Hide an Elf

elvesSeems like moms fall into one of two categories these days: Those who hide elves on shelves, and those who hate elves on shelves, and never the twain shall meet. The twain shall, however, slam each other mercilessly for their elf-hiding habits (or lack thereof). And when I say mercilessly, I'm not kidding. It's like elf-hiding is the new breastfeeding: An excuse to judge all the moms with the nerve to make a different choice than our own. A gesture that's taken on way too much significance, except, unlike breastfeeding, which actually sustains life and is worth discussion, it's a freaking doll on a shelf. Mm-kay?

Personally, the whole idea gives me the creeps, probably because it makes me think of that Rockwell/Michael Jackson song ("Somebody's Watching Me"), which had a really creepy video. Anyway. Point is, as a busy mom, there are about a million things I'd rather be doing with those precious post-bedtime hours than playing hide-the-elf. Such as:


1. Sleeping.

2. Watching all those unwatched episodes of Boardwalk Empire I have on DVR.

3. Cleaning out the refrigerator (that Thanksgiving turkey really needs to go).

4. Gathering the many, many articles of clothing my kids outgrew after wearing approximately 2.5 times and donating them to (shorter) kids in need.

5. Returning emails.

6. Taking photos of all the artwork my kids have done over the years so I can throw out some of the more fire-hazardous originals without feeling tooooo guilty.

7. Trashing 97.8% of the random files sitting on my desktop, making my computer so infuriatingly sluggish I want to throw it out the window on a daily basis.

8. Doing yoga.

9. Deep-conditioning my hair.

10. Cleaning my make-up brushes.

11. Finding my french press coffee maker. Where IS that thing?!

12. Teaching myself to play the harmonica.

13. Taking the paintings and framed photos currently buried in a closet and actually hanging them on the walls.

14. Finding my passport. Where IS that thing?!

15. Reading. (Like, an actual book!)

16. Staring into space.

17. Exfoliating.

I could go on. And on, and on, and on. But I've got waaay to much to do.

What would you rather do with your time than hide an elf on a shelf?

Image via Mikko Luntiala/Flickr

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