The Superiority of Brown M&Ms and Other Childhood Beliefs

Sometimes for a special treat I give my kids a little bowl of goldfish crackers sprinkled with a few M&Ms. (Before you chastise me for our bad nutrition, I hasten to clarify that it's only after they have consumed a healthful meal of cruciferous vegetables and organic whole—ha ha ha haaaaa oh god I can't even keep that up.) Invariably, the crackers 'n' candy snack leads to a passionate comparison to see if anyone got the coveted brown M&M, and if someone did get the brown M&M, there is much rejoicing and neener-neener-neenering.

What IS it about the brown M&Ms? Why do so many kids think they taste better? Why do I have such vivid memories of believing the exact same thing?

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As I was pondering the Great M&M Mystery, it occurred to me that my kids believe a LOT of the exact same weird things I used to. Maybe because I've passed them along, maybe because they're universal kid truths -- I don't know, but I do know that I derive a deep nostalgic pleasure from revisiting some of these beliefs through my own children.

For instance:

If you swallow a piece of gum, it stays in your stomach for seven years.

You can't tell anyone what your birthday/fountain wish is, or it won't come true.

A PB&J cut diagonally with the crusts removed (on white bread, of course) is haute cuisine.

Dig long enough in the backyard, and you'll eventually emerge on the other side of the Earth.

If a yellow flower reflects under someone's chin, it means they like butter.

Sharks can live anywhere there is water, like maybe even the bathtub.

Speaking of the bath, if you let out the water while you're still in the tub, you might go down the drain.

Brown cows make chocolate milk. Strawberry milk is much more rare, since it comes from the elusive pink cow.

If you watch the sun go down over the ocean, you'll hear a sizzling sound.

The little white tip on candy corn is the best part.

Cats are female, dogs are male. NO EXCEPTIONS!

New shoes make you like 5x faster.

If you eat a watermelon seed, it will grow inside you.

You don't turn a year older until the exact moment you blow out your birthday candle.

There is a pot of gold wherever a rainbow touches the ground.

Mothers and teachers can see out the back of their heads.

All small animals are babies.

Brown M&Ms taste the best. FACT.

What kid beliefs do you remember from your childhood? Do your own kids believe them now?


Image via Ted Major/Flickr

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