Top 5 Ways New Parents Annoy Their Childless Friends

nicole fabian-weberHey, guess what? Nobody gives a shit about your baby! Kidding! Kind of! Not really. There are some people, other than you, who care about your children. They're called family members and other people with kids. The rest? Mmm, save for a select few, not so much. And although I should have known this, being a person who, just a short time ago, didn't have a baby, I sort of just consciously realized this recently ... when I saw the glazed eyes of others when I showed them photos of my daughter on my phone.

In case you haven't heard, parents can be annoying to non-parents. And I don't know about you, but I don't want to be annoying. I still have friends who don't have children -- people I like -- and I'd like to keep them that way: As friends. So, here are 5 surefire ways not become, you know, that parent.


Don't constantly show off photos of your kid. Before I had a baby, I pretty much thought every baby looked alike. There really wasn't much discerning one 4-month-old from another. But now that I have a daughter of my own, of course I think she's great and unique and exceptionally cute. Other people don't though. Most likely, to people without children, she looks like every other newborn they've seen, so they're really not that interested.  

Don't talk baby talk on the phone in front of them. To be honest, I'm kind of against doing this in front of anyone -- with kids or without. When you're alone, it's one thing, but I don't know, I'd feel self-conscious saying Hi baby girl! Hi baby girl! over and over in a high-pitched squeal in front of others. Would I do it when I'm alone? Um, correct.

Go out without your children once in a while. On the rare occasions that my husband and I can get a night out with friends, we do not bring our daughter. Why? The answer is three-fold. One, it's nice to have a little bit of time to ourselves. Two, I am not messing up my baby's sleep schedule. And three, our friends want to hang out with us, not our baby. When you think about it, it's actually kind of flattering.

Don't constantly bring up your baby. Guess what? This morning, I left my daughter on her playmat on her back for a minute, and when I returned, she was on her belly! Kewl, right? Yeah, people who've never had a baby aren't all impressed with something like this. Honestly, it's been my experience that it's just best to not bring these kinds of things up to people who you know don't care. It will annoy them, and then in turn annoy you. (And seriously, can you blame them? Do you really care to hear a play-by-play of their night out? Same diff.)

Don't say, "You'll understand when you're a parent." Look, being a mom is hard. Really hard. No words of wisdom could have ever prepared me for what I was in for. But it's kind of condescending to say, "You'll understand when you're a mom/dad" to someone without kids. You're basically saying, "I have a certain wisdom you so don't yet possess." Trust me, I was on the receiving end of such statements, and it wasn't very fun. 

Do you still hang out with your friends with kids/friends without kids? What other things can you think of that might annoy people without children?


Image via Nicole Fabian-Weber

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