10 Good Reasons Teens Should Keep Their Dirty Paws Off Mom's '50 Shades of Grey'

bondagePoor Keke Palmer. The teenage actress is starring in Ice Age: Continental Drift, and critics say it flat out sucks. And now she's about to suffer the wrath of the Fifty Shades of Grey fandom.

The 18-year-old Palmer responded to criticism that she's reading the so-called mommy porn this week with some harsh words for the old broads reading E.L. James' erotic novels. And this young whippersnapper went straight for the jugular.

Advertisement

Who do they expect to read these books, 50 year old women? It’s for young women ...

Um, Keke? Honey? Before you start insulting all us ooooold ladies, you might just want to take a gander at the age of the author of those naughty novels. Fifty Shades of Grey author E.L. James is ... wait for it ... almost 50! She was born in 1963, when Keke wasn't even a glimmer in her parents' eye.

That's right. She's "old."

And while I really don't see the fuss over kids reading Fifty Shades, something tells me these books might just be more appropriate for us old women than the young punks like Keke. Let's look at the evidence, shall we?

1. Moms withstand regular torture in the form of "OMG, she looked at me wrong" and "OMG, I hate you" from their hormonal teenagers. The least we could get from all that pain is a little bit of ... pleasure.

2. Teenagers are always horny as it is. Do we really need to INCREASE their libidos?

3. Old ladies can actually rent one of Christian's favored sports cars ... you know, without a fake ID.

4. Speaking of ID, we won't need to show it to get into the movie.

5. Or to get into the store where we'll stock up on our ben wa balls.

6. We can talk about kinky "fu--ery" without being sent to the principal's office (although we may have to spell it out so the kids don't copy us).

7. After breastfeeding a couple of kids, our boobs can handle anything. Bring on the nipple clamps!

8. We've actually had a lot of vanilla sex by now. And some not-so-vanilla (hopefully).

9. If we want to build our own red room of pain, we don't have to ask our parents for permission to take over the spare room upstairs.

10. We know exactly how cheesy these books are ... and we're old enough to be sufficiently embarrassed by the fact that we're reading them anyway.

Go ahead, add yours!  

 

Image via Mikamatto/Flickr

Read More >