How to Say 'That's an Ugly Baby!' In Code

alienMoms and Dads, I'm going to lay it out straight for you. Your newborn baby is ugly. Oh. I know. You think that this little ball of awesomeness in your arms is the cutest thing ever.

So did I. I even leaned over to my husband a few hours after she was born and asked "I don't just think she's cute because she's mine, do I?" But the fact is, babies look like aliens when they are born. All babies. And people are really searching for something nice to say.


So here's a guide. It's a guide for people who need something nice to say when they see a newborn. And it's a guide for parents who are listening, thinking that the person is saying something nice about their baby. This is code for "that's an ugly baby, but I don't want to hurt your feelings." Sorry. You were warned:

More from The Stir: 18 Rudest Pregnancy Comments We've Ever Heard

  1. Aww, look how tiny!
  2. Oh God, those feet!
  3. I love babies! (note, she did not say she loves YOUR baby)
  4. You know babies always look just like the Daddy, don't you?
  5. I can't tell who he looks like. Maybe it's someone way back in your family?
  6. What big hands he has! Let me look at them. (examines them pointedly, ignoring everything else about him)
  7. Wow! He's. He's. He's ... Wow!
  8. There are so many things I could say, but I won't.
  9. Can I just hold him? I want to drink him in. (proceeds to hide face in baby's blanket to hide the smirk)
  10. Mmm. Babies are delicious. Don't you think? (yes, they just turned it back on YOU).

Got that Moms and Dads? Basically, if they avoid saying anything about your baby's looks, you can guess what they really mean! Your newborn looks just like everyone else's ... like it belongs on another planet. Don't worry. They get cuter as they age (maybe!).

What do you say when a baby is really kind of an uggo?


Image via mcdlttx/flickr

Read More >