8 Reasons Moms Secretly Envy Childless Women

family childfree coupleAny mom who says she has never looked at a Facebook update from a childless (or "child free") friend and not felt a twinge of envy would be a liar. Sometimes when my kids are being particularly difficult, I will stumble upon a friend's status saying something like: "Saw three movies today since it was a rainy day. Score!" Inside, a little piece of my heart dies.


Then, like most moms, I cover it up with this gem: But I wouldn't have it any other way. And the awful truth is I wouldn't. But unlike the child free, I have a little experience being on both sides of this here fence. And let me tell you, the grass, while green enough on both sides, sometimes seems just a little more brilliant and perfect on that other side.

That's why I will never get the "hate" for the child free. Katie Roiphe has an essay about this on Slate, which attempts to make the argument that us mamas are just jealous. And you know what? She's right.

Don't get me wrong, my children are my world and I would rather die than lose one of them. I am neck deep in this whole parenting thing and it's my life and I am living it, mostly happily. But I call BS on moms who go on and on about how "fulfilled" they are by parenting. Is it wonderful and lovely and beautiful? Yes. But it's also hard and soul sucking and highly depressing at times, too. We trade a lot for these (lovely! Fulfilling! Wonderful!) bundles. 

More From The Stir: Good Parents Take Advice From the Child-Free

So yes, I am a little envious of those who actively choose not to have children and their willingness to take a path I would have been too scared I would regret. I will also admit to encouraging people to procreate maybe for the wrong reasons (One of us! One of us!) and to becoming, perhaps, too elated at the news of a friend's second pregnancy because finally she will know my pain!

Obviously, I also know not every childless woman chose that path. Sometimes it chooses her. Furthermore, I know that not every childless person is living under a rainbow and frolicking with unicorns. We all have our life stresses and responsibilities. But here is what I envy:

  • Freedom: Oh sure it may not SEEM like much to be able to sleep in and read books and go out to dinner and travel on a whim. But it is. Believe me, it is. And once it's gone, poof! It doesn't come back.
  • Sex: There is a lot less of it when baby comes. Trust me on this. No matter what people will insist in these comments. And the sex you will have? Is not as good. It isn't as spontaneous. And it isn't as long (because mama needs sleep!).
  • Time: There is so much more time when you are child free. Obviously we all have demands, but this is something you can only learn on the other side. Your time is your own before kids. After kids? It isn't.
  • Work: I would LOVE to just do my job for 10 hours straight and not have to worry about anyone's pick-up or drop-off or lunch or attitude. The freedom to be able to work my tail off is missing as a mom.
  • Sleep: Enough said.
  • Peeing uninterrupted: This never happens any more once you have kids. It's a luxury that is so missed.
  • A clean car: My car is like a traveling garbage can. Kids, man. They crumble their Pirate's Booty and throw their trash on the floor and stomp all over it.
  • Chocolate: After you have kids, you are supposed to share your chocolate and ice cream and candy with them. It's not as fun as it seems.

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Look, having kids is great. But so is not having kids. To each their own. And to those who DO have the courage to say kids are not for you (while also managing not to hate on kids just because you can): I, Sasha Brown-Worsham, mother of two, salute you.

Do you ever envy childfree women?


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