Longing for a Daughter Will Pass -- Mine Did

it's a boyTina Seitzinger never pictured herself being a mom who'd be trying to survive in a "testosterone-filled" world, but she is! And she writes for all the moms who know what it's like to be the only one with estrogen in their household at her blog Life Without Pink.

We love the way she makes being a mom in an all-male world work, and here, in honor of Mother's Day, we present Tina's memory of the moment when she realized she would be parenting two boys ... and no girl:

As far back as I can remember, I always envisioned myself having a daughter one day. I guess I never thought that it was possible that I might never have one.

When I was pregnant the first time, my hubby and I knew it was a boy from day one. Even though we never found out the sex ahead of time, we always referred to the baby growing inside of me as “him”. I loved the fact of having a boy first, to protect the daughter I would have one day.

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Then I got pregnant the second time. Again we never found out what we were having (I loved being surprised), and everyone around me thought it was a girl. In some ways I thought it was a girl as well, but my motherly instinct deep down knew it was a boy.

I remember going to the big ultrasound and watching the screen as the technician scanned the baby. I was waiting for any sign that it was a girl. To somehow get a glimpse of her growing inside of me. Then an image popped up that haunted me for weeks.

I tormented myself. Why would the technician show that part of the baby if she knew I didn’t want to know the sex? It couldn’t be what I thought, could it? I even went so far as to look up other ultrasound photos online to compare. I knew then that it was a boy, but a tiny part of me wanted to believe that it was still a little girl.

The day came for my c-section. As I laid there strapped to the table feeling quite sick and completely nervous, I waited as they tugged and pulled me to get my baby out. I finally heard the tiny cry that made my heart skip a beat. I was in love, and I didn’t even know who this little creature was.

My hubby looked over and turned to me and said, “It's a boy.”

He was both in shock because he too thought it was going to be a girl and a little skeptical of the way I would react. At that moment, I didn’t care that the baby was a boy. He was my baby, he was healthy, and all I wanted to do was get my hands on him.

It was a few hours later when I finally was able to hold him, and I couldn’t stop staring and thinking how beautiful and perfect he was. I was completely in love once again. I still couldn’t believe that I had two babies. Two sons.

My hubby and I know that two kids is the perfect amount for our family. For a long time I never thought about the fact that I would never have a daughter. It still didn’t feel like a reality to me.

I have to admit sometimes when I am out and see a little girl or a pretty little dress, my heart aches a bit. Really I will never have a daughter? This thought still haunts me a bit.

My mom and I are really close and I think about what my future holds without a daughter and the bond that we would have later in life. But my boys are my life. Having a sister, I know the special relationship that same sex siblings can have. I love watching them play together and how Big A makes Little B crack up. They already have a wonderful brotherly bond.

Overtime I am sure the longing for a daughter will pass. I know I am lucky to have two beautiful, energetic and healthy little boys. I love them with every piece of me and they melt my heart every day. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

For more from Tina, visit her at her site: Life Without Pink

Fan her on Facebook: Life Without Pink

Follow her on Twitter: @TinaSeitzinger

When did you realize the family you planned for wasn't the family you were going to have? How did you make your peace with it?

Our series of mom bloggers we love runs throughout May in honor of Mother's Day. Click here to see them all.


Image via calebdcochran/Flickr

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