10 Reasons I Hate Angelina Jolie

Now, I know -- the woman is clearly a saint. She adopts kids from around the world. She works tirelessly to bring to light all of the horrible monstrosities that occur around the world. Honestly, we should just rename her "Mother Teresa" and be done with it all.

I want so badly to love her, and yet...I can't.

Here's why.


1) She makes parenting look too easy. Parenting would be a HELL of a lot easier if I had the help of 9273 nannies and live-in chefs. 

2) She's dating Brad Pitt. *I* want to be dating Brad Pitt. She should let the guy go so the rest of us have a shot at making it with him.

3) I actually believe Angelina Jolie should be nominated for sainthood. She makes running my measly non-profit seem almost...cute. Pathetically cute.

4) Her pillowy lips could easily smack me when I walk into a room. My own thin lips can barely smack themselves.

5) After birthing 26473 children, her boobs should not be NEARLY as perky as they are. Mine? They look like two oranges in tube socks.

6) She looks beautiful rolling out of bed in the morning. I look beautiful if you're wearing beer goggles and the room is dark.

7) She weighs 98 pounds and could still kick my ass.

8) She weighs 98 pounds AFTER bearing 826437 kids. My arm, after popping out three kids, weighs 98 pounds.

9) I'm still bitter about the Brad/Jen breakup.

10) I'm terrified to travel with three kids to stay at a hotel - she's always carting her 82747 children around the world.


Image via cliff1066/Flickr

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