Egg Donors Are Business People Not Parents

missing moms surrogateOy. If you became a mother any other way than having a live human man directly impregnate you without any medical intervention, you're going to feel a tad bit irritated when I tell you what someone is saying about you. One writer believes your children are going to suffer. Because only hetero sex (does it also have to be missionary style?) resulting in a live birth will give you well-adjusted kids, according to Elizabeth Marquardt. None of this new-fangled science stuff if you don't want your kids waking up some day and demanding to know their sperm or egg donor.

Because apparently, if you use a surrogate, or donor eggs, or made use of any type of donor in the process, your child is going to grow up and miss his "real" mother. Now you're really pissed, huh?

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Based on her study of children conceived through sperm donation, Marquardt makes the argument that children struggle with a parental loss when they don't know their biological father, and this can lead to depression, delinquency, and addiction. She assumes the same with donor eggs, or surrogate moms.

Do you know what else leads to depression, addiction, and delinquency? Divorced parents. Bad parents. Unavailable parents, who still were able to be around long enough to produce an egg and sperm. Also, genetics, trauma, temporary situations of stress, poverty, and more! I can't imagine that the act of fertilization through non-traditional methods has an impact on a child's mental health anywhere close to the negative impact of these other factors.

More from The Stir: The Emotional Side of Egg Donation

Marquardt seems to think children who are born using intervention, where another woman's eggs or body is involved, will always long for this "missing mother." If you've got a real live, in-the-flesh mom or dad in front of you, what are you going to be missing? And to imply that a biological mother is somehow more important than the mother or father who is actually changing your diapers, reading you bedtime stories, and offering you unconditional love is absolutely ridiculous.

Will children conceived in non-traditional ways have questions? Probably. Maybe some won't care, and others will have an insatiable curiosity. Are parents capable of answering these questions? Of course. Can parents offer support if a child feels confused by his conception? They can, and they should, without being told they're setting up their child for delinquency and depression.

How you were conceived is irrelevant -- what parents do once you are outside the womb is what really matters.

Do you think children conceived through egg donation or other non-traditional methods are missing their mothers?


Image via Serge Melki/Flickr

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