15 Completely Rational Facts I Wish I Could Convince My Kid Were True

Refusing to listen
Refusing to listen -- as usual.
Remember when your kids were babies, and they cried for what seemed like no reason? And you sat there thinking: oh, I just can't wait until this child can make up her own mind and tell me what she's thinking? Oh, those were the halcyon days, my friends. Before your child learned to talk to you.

And more importantly, before your child decided you had absolutely no idea what you were talking about. Blessed with a stubborn little spitfire (that's loving Mom talk, and I refuse to translate under grounds that I would incriminate myself), I look back on the days when my daughter could not talk and wonder . . . if I'd done it a different way, could I actually convince her of all the completely rational facts that she dismisses on a daily basis? Here, you be the judge. Tell me if you think the kiddos will ever be convinced of these common sense facts:


1. You know the tomato sauce you out and out refuse to eat on spaghetti? It's the same stuff I slather on the pizza you so adore.

2. It is entirely within the realm of possibility to eat AROUND the carrots in a helping of mixed vegetables.

3. There are places in our house that cannot be improved with stickers, including but not limited to: the toilet tank, the toilet seat, the bathroom cabinet, your bedroom walls, my bedroom walls . . .

4. If you drop your coat in front of the hanger, you are essentially asking for the cat to make a bed in it.

5. The more time you spend arguing with me not to count to 5, the less time you have to do what I asked you to do before I hit 5.

6. A watched toothbrush will never jump in your mouth by itself. Ever.

7. Yes, many things purchased in America were made in China. No, they were not made by pandas.

8. If you left your stuffed gorilla in the car when we go to the mall, it wouldn't be sooooooo heavy 10 minutes after we walked in the door of said mall.

9. The lid on your vitamins is child-proof. I, however, am not a child. Therefore letting me open it will save us 20 minutes and you from getting frustrated and throwing the poor defenseless bottle across the room.

10. Seeing as I learned to spell "orange" when I was in the first grade, I don't need to be tested on your spelling words, so hand over the list.

11. You can go ask Daddy, but he's going to say the same thing I did about eating an entire bar of chocolate at bedtime.

12. Your sneakers would be much easier to find every morning if you left them in the same place every night.

13. It's true, you will never find the jacket that is hanging on the hook in the hallway . . . at least you won't if you don't get off the living room floor and go look for it.

14. Juice box straw wrappers may be clear, but I can still see when you drop them in the middle of the floor.

15. I'm not surprised you're cold, seeing as you've stripped down to your skivvies. But a pair of pants, socks, and a t-shirt would fix you right up!

Can you add to this list? What do you wish your kids would take at face value and just BELIEVE you're telling the truth about?


Image by Jeanne Sager

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