5 Annoying 'Mommy' Things I Hope I Never Do

mommy and babyAs I write this, my baby is still safely tucked inside my belly, giving me time to decorate a nursery, read breastfeeding books ad nauseum, and figure out "what kind of mother I'll be." Now, even though I have a tendency to try to plan for everything to the enth degree (see previous sentence), I logically realize that there's no way in hell I'm going to be able to plan out my mommying style until I'm actually a mommy -- which still is a ways away. But it's still fun to think about. Here are five things I've sworn to myself that I'll never do once I become a mother. We'll see how well I stick to them.

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Talking about how my child is advanced. I don't know if there's something in the water where I live, but I swear, I am yet to meet a baby, toddler, or child who isn't advanced at something -- be it growing, crawling, talking, or pooping. I know recent parenthood gives moms crazy googly love goggles for their babies (as it should), but speaking as someone who's been on the receiving end of all this "advancement" talk for years, I'm gonna admit -- I don't always believe you. And even if I do, I don't care all that much.

Asking everyone to hold my newborn. I love babies -- so much that I decided to have one of my own -- but I don't love holding other people's newborns. Particularly if I don't know the person all that well. Infants are these gorgeous, delicate creatures that literally look like they could break in two at a moment's notice. I don't want that on my watch. But it seems rude to say "no."

Taking a photo of everyone holding the baby. What's even worse than feeling obligated to hold someone's baby is having said someone take an unsolicited photo of me holding their baby. I don't usually dress up for baby visits, so do me a favor and just get the baby in the shot.

Being a militant mom. You know who I'm talking about. Look, I'm planning on breastfeeding my baby and having a natural child birth (at least, attempting to), but if you're not, none of my business. Also, if you don't purchase that bouncy thing I recommended, I'll get over it.

Chronicling my and my baby's life on Facebook. Of course, I'm going to post photos of my child for the world to see -- I can't help but post pictures of my shih tzu (he's so advanced) -- but there will be no albums entitled "First Bath" containing 118 photos from me. Also, my "friends" don't need to know every time my baby was up all night crying.

I know, I know, it's easy to say these things now, easy to be all sanctimonious (about not being sanctimonious) while baby's still baking away. But I'm really going to try. We'll see if I follow through. And if I don't, that's okay. At least the kick ass nursery I planned for will have come to fruition.

Did you wind up being the kind of mom you thought you'd be?

 

Image via Boy27wonder/Flickr

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