5 Reasons I Don't Want My Baby Leaving My Belly

pregnantI'll admit. Perhaps I've been a bit cocky about my pregnancy. I've had virtually no morning sickness, no bizarre cravings, and emotionally, I feel right as rain. When I told this to the midwife at my OBGYN's office -- cavalierly, I might add -- I expected a pat on the back or an impressed raised eyebrow, at the least. What I got instead scared the everliving crap out of me.

"Well, a lot of the time, the emotional stuff -- depression, etc. -- comes after the baby's born," she casually said as she jotted something down in my file.

Postpartum depression? That hadn't even crossed my mind. I was too busy basking in the awesomeness of my easy-breezy gestation. Shit.

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Until then, the only thoughts I'd ever really entertained about post-natal life were ones of my adorable baby. I mean, I'm not totally naive, of course I've thought about how my husband and I will be sleep-deprived and frustrated at times, but overall, my "life after pregnancy" image is a pretty damn good one.

Midwife got me thinking, though. If postpartum depression was something I hadn't thought of, what other possibilities -- unpleasant possibilities -- should I start thinking about/freaking out over now? (Because, you know, worrying totally solves everything.) Here are four other scenarios currently taking up real estate in my mind. Fun times.

Going back to work. At least once a week, I think about how lucky I am to have a job -- and one I like, to boot -- but now that I'm nearing my third trimester, thoughts of leaving my daughter, who I don't yet even know, are starting to trip me out. And the horror stories I've heard from my mom friends who have ventured back into the workplace certainly don't help!

Baby ruining my relationship with my husband. Of course, in the beginning, it's going to be all about baby, all the time in our house. And that's totally cool with me, because, it should be. But sometimes I fear that we'll become one of those couples who are completely obsessed with their kids and who never take any time for themselves. We have a good thing going on; I don't want to wreck it.

Losing my newfound hair. Vain? Yes. But, dude. Since I've gotten pregnant -- since my second trimester, to be exact -- my hair has never looked better. It's shiny, thick (for me), and growing like a weed. (A pretty weed.) This is so nice for someone who has always complained and bitched about her hair -- but from what I hear and read, it's all going to fall out the second I give birth.

Not having the baby I envision. Okay, "envision" may be a strong word, as I truly don't have a clear picture -- whatsoever -- of what my daughter will look like/act like/sound like when she's born; but sometimes, I freak out a little about having a baby who cries all the time. I know, some babies cry more than others; if that's how she is, that's how she is, but still -- I rattles me a bit when I think about never getting a break from blood-curdling shrieks and screams. I've seen those babies -- and those parents -- and my heart (and eardrums) breaks. 

Despite these thoughts, I'm trying to stay zen, though. In fact, whenever these possibilities crop up in my brain, a quote by Kurt Vonnegut comes to mind: "Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum."

That's good advice. Probably better advice that any midwife could ever give. But heeding it is a whole 'nother thing.

Did you have postpartum depression? How did you deal?

 

Image via dizznbonn/Flickr

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