A Hilarious Look at Why Toddlers Are So Unpredictable

toddler girlThe other day I was walking with my 2 1/2-year-old daughter skipping alongside me, and I started to tear up like the emotional sap I sometimes am when it comes to my children. It was a "mommy-and-Lila day," and all morning she was so funny and sparkly and lovely, chattering away about the most fascinating things as we ran errands, insisting I call her Smurfette, and entertaining me with endless knock-knock jokes and random declarations of her love for me. I wanted to bottle all of her sweetness and light right then and there and save it forever.

Then, a couple hours later, there were more tears ... this time of frustration, and the only bottle I wanted wasn't appropriate for the middle of the day.

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There we were in our local bookstore when somehow between Pinkalicious and a princess book, my sweet little girl was replaced with a demon child. One minute she was beside me giggling, then the next she was on the floor in the middle of the busting store, flailing, kicking, and shouting at the top of her lungs that she didn't want a book but "A NEW WATERING CAN NOW!!!" Why the bookstore sells watering cans, I'm not sure, but I stood in shock, wondering if that really was my child.

If you have a toddler, I'm sure you've been there too (if not, go away and play with your perfect child). It's not the first time it's happened to me by any means, but the older she gets, the more these episodes take me by surprise because sometimes she just seems so ... normal.

But toddlers aren't normal people ... they're toddlers. Comedian and blogger Jason Good of Jason Good 365 recently did a great job describing just why they may act like they do. In the hilarious post titled "Approximately 3 Minutes in the Mind of My 2-Year-Old," he explains how what happens in their little insane brains accounts for the behavior I described above ... and much more. He says each of the following emotions lasts about three seconds:

  1. I wanna play with Daddy’s phone.
  2. I wanna put on Mommy’s shoes.
  3. GET MOMMY’S SHOES OFF MY FEET NOW!
  4. I wanna open and close the thermostat.
  5. I wanna turn on and off the light on the microwave.
  6. Is there anyone here with a phone I haven’t played with yet?
  7. I NEED TO PUSH SOME GODDAMN BUTTONS.
  8. I wanna pick up the cat by its head.
  9. I wanna throw all the toothbrushes in the sink.
  10. HOLY SHIT I’M STARVING.
  11. CHEDDAR BUNNIES.
  12. I HATE FRUIT.
  13. I want out of my chair.
  14. I wanna play with the iPad.
  15. I wanna go outside. No, I wanna turn the heat on.
  16. I wanna take my pants off.
  17. I don’t like the shirt I’m wearing.
  18. I wanna play with Mommy’s phone.
  19. I NEED TO PUSH MORE BUTTONS NOW.
  20. I’m thirsty.

And he goes on. It's definitely worth reading the entire list for a laugh and perhaps just a little insight into why your toddler acts the way he or she does.

Does your toddler act like an insane person?


Image via Julie Ryan Evans

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