Shocking 'Mom Secrets' Are Very Sad

All of us moms want to do everything perfectly. Obviously. We love our children and we want the best for them, but all that pressure can also bring us down and hurt us. We get stress headaches, we have bouts of intense guilt, and we cry a lot. And usually, we keep those things secret from our fellow moms. After all, what would they think of us if they knew the truth?

TODAY.com and Parenting.com surveyed more than 26,000 moms about their deepest, darkest secrets and the results are actually pretty shocking.

See below:

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  • Nearly one in five moms admits medicating their child to get through a special event like a plane flight; one in 12 does it just to get some peace and quiet on a regular night.
  • Half have knowingly sent a sick kid to daycare or school.
  • 85 percent use their kids to get out of social obligations.
  • Nearly one in three uses work as an excuse to avoid taking care of the kids.
  • 44 percent of moms would rather be 15 pounds thinner than add 15 points to their child’s IQ.
  • One in four fears their partner is a better parent than they are.
  • One in 10 wishes their child was the opposite sex -- and of those moms, 60 percent have boys.

Shocking, right? Some of these legitimately make me sad. And I don't think that makes me a sanctimommy. Drugging your child? Really?

I have sent a child who recently had a fever to school, I have used the kids to avoid social things, and I have used work to get out of taking care of the kids, but the rest? Not so much. Not for a second. And it makes me really sad that so many moms are that unhappy. Many in the survey admitted they don't like their kids or that they cry in the car and feel on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

Motherhood is unbelievably hard and I certainly am not perfect (far from it), but I feel really lucky to have friends with whom I can be totally real and honest. My guess is these moms who are drugging their children don't have that.

The answer, it seems, is to take some of the pressure off. I feel lucky to be surrounded by women who are honest about their struggles. Sure we all strive to be better parents, but we also aren't afraid to lift the rock and look at the bugs and dirt beneath. In fact, the only mom I ever have known who projects the image of "perfection" actually had a secret online stalker problem that makes even moms who drug their children look rational and sane.

No one is a perfect mom. No one. We need more help and need to learn to ask for it, and lord knows, I am so guilty of this myself. I refuse help even when it's offered. But I also don't drug my kids.

As a society, we need to allow moms to throw up a white flag and give help where help is needed. I would love to help a fellow mom out, but I don't always know what they need. But if they tell me honestly, I will do it in a second. How about we do away with "mom secrets" and just admit this is really hard and we can't do it all on our own?

Do you do any of these things?


Image via LE▲H.nicor/Flickr

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