Keep Your 'Cool' Minivan Away From My Family

no minivanIt's official: It's okay to drive a minivan again. The New York Times says so, and a nation of former hipsters (now called "parents") are apparently pulling out their wallets to buy the monster gas guzzlers.

But unlike my pre-baby fitted tees, I'm not giving in to this mom accessory, no matter how hard the car companies try to make minivans look cool. Even though it would comfortably fit my family of four plus visiting relatives, instead of making someone squeeze into the spot between my 4-year-old's booster and the giant toddler car seat. But no one can convince me to give in to the van. Not even that adorable couple that look like people we playdate with on a regular basis (nailed it, Toyota!).

Sure I think about how much I would hate driving the minivan around, especially if I'm meeting a girlfriend out sans kids, but it's not just the "cool" factor that I'm considering. We have a 2003 white Nissan Altima with brown cloth interior; not cool.

It's the danger factor.


You see, I lived in New York for 13 years before returning to the land of the auto. Not only did I not do a whole heck of a lot of driving, I really loved not driving. And I haven't adjusted to careening a mid-sized automobile around just yet. Can you imagine the damage I would do with a minivan? My idea of hell would be parallel parking a minivan in front of the veterinarian's office. Followed by a trip to the pediatrician where every parking spot is marked "compact." That's a lot of broken rear-view mirrors, people.

Which is also why, even though I am sold on the geek chic of the station wagon (especially the VW -- have you seen the Jetta Sport?), I would also fear for my family's safety maneuvering through traffic if I had an extra load in the back. The last time I owned a car, it was a Geo Metro for chrissakes, and I'm pretty sure you could fit two of those in the Toyota Sienna.

So fellow drivers should actually thank me for not giving in to the minivan. Your bumpers will be much safer without me, in a minivan, on the road. You are welcome.

Are you a minivan convert?


Image via YouTube

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