The Memorial Day weekend is a time to honor those who've served in our military and died.

It's also the unofficial launch to the summer season, and plenty of online retailers are hoping you'll spend at least part of the long weekend shopping for the warm weather days to come.

With that in mind, here are eight major retailers offering free shipping and other great deals this Memorial Day weekend, compiled by the folks at FreeShipping.org.

Cindy BarshopReal Housewives of New York is back for Season 4, and there's a new Housewife on the block, ladies. Introducing Cindy Barshop, who's 46 and a single mom by choice of cute 15-month-old twin girls, Jesse and Zoe. Of course, inquiring moms want to know how such a seemingly nice, self-made woman like Cindy got her "in" on the Real Housewives.

Well, she hangs with the fancy people of New York, of course. She knows costar Ramona Singer from the Hamptons (well, la tee da) and Jill Zarin was a client at one of her hair-removal spas. Barshop owns a popular chain called Completely Bare. And that's not all! She's also credited with inventing a service that makes a woman's vagina sparkle like the top of the Chrysler Building. Oh yes.

You are witnessing a woman receiving a $180 facial treatment that uses the key ingredient of ...

Bird poop.

Yes.

Bird poop.

I suppose the whole concept of the vagacial -- or vagina facial -- makes sense. If you're going to subject your lady bits to the sheer torture that is Brazilian waxing, the least you could do is follow up the sadism with a soothing, cleansing spa treatment.

Did Olga rip out your brains along with your pubic hair? That's literally the stupidest thing you've ever thought. You must be joking.

I never joke about vaginas.

Nor I ...

It's just that ingrown hairs are such a buzzkill. If there was a way to exfoliate, scrub, pluck, cleanse, and soothe them away, would that really be such a horrible idea?

Frenchie's unfortunate pink dye job in Grease notwithstanding, getting haircuts and beauty treatments from student stylists can be a great way to save yourself a lot of money when you want to look good. While the stylists are still in school, they usually are pretty close to graduation before they are turned loose on the general public; at many schools, that means they have at least a year of classroom training under their belts.

The Aveda Institute has salons across the country where you can get not only haircuts, but spa services, super cheap. At the one near me, a cut and color cost me $54 ... and the best part? No tipping allowed. After doing this a few times, I am pretty convinced this is the best bargain going. Paul Mitchell also runs a chain of schools, or you can try Beauty School Directory.

Of course, getting snipped by student stylists is a little bit different than the usual salon experience. Here are ways to get the most out of your visit:

First there was waxing pubic hair into shapes, next there was vajazzling (applying crystals to the mons pubis), and now there is the latest trend in vaginal adornment -- "vatooing." And if you've ever looked at your vagina and thought it looked rather plain and boring, it may be for you.

The process is very simple.

Using a stencil and some airbrushed paint, an aesthetician paints a tattoo on your upper vaginal area that lasts between 7 to 10 days. Of course, this is assuming you will avoid friction, which kind of defeats the whole purpose of vaginal adornment in the first place.

Nevertheless, the final result is cute ... if by "cute" you mean weird. Because, dude. It's weird.

I love getting a massage. And I usually get a couple of them a year. It's one of the few things, other than oral sex, that totally relaxes me.

But I've never gotten a massage by a male therapist. I've often wondered how it would be different. Mainly, would I get sexually aroused?

I haven't been turned on by a massage before. My only bodily response, other than the release of some taut neck muscles, has been the increased need to pass gas. And that's embarrassing no matter what the gender of the massager is. But massages can definitely be sexual.

Could Botox help?Now that I've reached my 30s, more and more of my friends and acquaintances are turning to Botox.

It's not something that's discussed very often among the women I know. But a few of my very good friends have started getting injections, and I've heard that women are even holding Botox parties in my neighborhood, where all the attendees get their fix at once.

The truth is that my friends who've gotten Botox look ...