Oh, fall shoes! They come in such beautiful autumn colors like olive moss, wine, and ochre. But I don't know why so many of the good-looking ones have to be over $100, over $200, or even more! In case you didn't know, shoe-maker people, THAT'S NOT AFFORDABLE! And if the shoes are not affordable, then we shoe-loving people can't have the shoes that we want to have so we can love them. See the predicament?

In any case, we must, once again, resort to loads of shoe porn. Because porn is all about fantasizing about all the things you'll never have, right? In this case, the shoes we'll never have.

Line 'em up. I'm ready for the fantasy ...

This will be the autumn that I will finally buy ankle booties. Yes, I will. Ankle-high boots are seriously hot for Fall 2010, that's for sure. You can't go five steps in the mall without seeing another pretty pair. And the gorgeous gray leather of these lovely criss-cross buckle wrapped platforms is convincing me that mine, too, will need to be gray.

And in case you hadn't noticed, these particular high-heeled boots are crazy frickin' bad-@ss.

Hell hath no fury like a woman's shoe porn! That's right -- today's shoe porn is so darn lovely that it brings on rage and fury. Rage that I am only allowed to look at these gorgeous shoes. And fury because these pretty babies are not right here with me dolling up my feet.

Raaawrrr!

Oh mercy, angels in heaven, what be these teal blue suede wonders? These heels, skinny jeans, a cropped jacket, and a chocolate milkshake in hand, and there you have a little piece of my heaven here on Earth, friends.

Red is the color of all things hot. Think about it -- cinnamon, stove tops, fire, firemen ... And nothing (nothing!) is hotter than a red pair of shoes. Just ask Dorothy, The Wizard of Oz heroine who was willing to go to a lot of trouble just to keep her pair of bitchin' ruby heels.

As a child, I obsessed about those red shoes and now my daughter has her own pair she loves to rock around the house (see left). And even though I'm a million years older, that love of red shoes has never left my heart.

So, in honor of The Wizard of Oz, which turned 71 on August 12, I give you a few pairs of red shows that I am coveting right now:

Could a dog inspire a shoe? I think so. This pair of Camilla Skovgaard shoes could be trotting next to the Puli breed at the Westminster dog shows. I'd bet that the shaggy Hungarian herding dog would love these fancy puppies. I wonder what would happen should the two ever meet on the street? A mating dance? Hopefully not a leg up.

The suede version of the Skovgaard bootie is a perfect match to the pup, but the leather heel is a bit more biker or maybe the dog after a blowout and a whole lot of de-frizz serum. 

Perhaps this is the official shoe for the NRA. The "Gun" sandal designed by Chau Cheung is all wrong and all right. Depending on your stance on gun control. Or obscene heels.

I see a shoe like this and think ... what would I wear it with? Would a bulletproof vest be overkill?

Hanalei Crocs; ZapposHanalei Crocs; Zappos

I've done my fair share of knocking Crocs. These shoes are just not my style, but I know they are super-comfy. And I know some ladies who wear them and look fabulous. But I found a pair of Crocs sandals that I would actually wear. I even considered buying them!

Foot, or shall I say shoe, in mouth.