Two of moms' most favorite topics -- Spanx and the Real Housewives -- are linked together now in one very weird way.

Former RHONY Housewife Heather Thomson has a shapewear brand called Yummie Tummie, and she's now suing Spanx for patent infringement.

The way it's all going down is worthy of its own plotline on the Real Housewives series!

Oh my gawd, you guys, this means celeb WAR -- and you'll never guess who's fighting: It's a Kim Kardashian vs. Jennifer Aniston throwdown! Whaaaaa?! I know, random -- how often do these ladies cross paths? But it turns out they're (allegedly) fighting over something EXTREMELY valuable. How valuable? Well, it's one thing to steal somebody's man. It's another thing to steal somebody's starring role. It's yet another thing entirely to steal somebody's hairdresser!!!

That's right, according to the National Enquirer (I know, I know), Jennifer Aniston’s long-term hairstylist, Chris McMillan, is ditching his most famous client for a certain preggers-with-Kanye's-baby brunette. I'm just ... shocked. Aghast. I mean, if you can't count on your hairstylist to be loyal, who the hell can you count on? What is this world coming to?! And, most important of all, what would Kim Kardashian look like with The Rachel?

On planet earth, there can be only one Big Booty Queen. Hell, do you think Zeus owned his throne part-time? I think not. Which is why we are gathered here today to see two of the curviest derrieres in Hollywood duke it out for the coveted title. The match-up? Kim Kardashian vs. Christina Aguilera.

These women have incredibly fit, curvy figures. But I'm so dang tired of seeing both stickin' it out on the red carpet. Try as I may though, I just can't look away. I just want to say, 'Damn ladies, pull yourselves together!' We want to celebrate your beauty, your shape, and your rage against the stick-thin norm, but we can't get past the rump you've thrust in our faces. It's a little blinding. And honestly, everybody knows what your butt looks like, so please, stop sharing. But at the same time ... I'm just dying to decide who has the riper rump.

In these six shots, Kim and Christina put their best, erm, asset forward for a battle of the bums like you've never seen!

So the VMAs have come and gone. Another two hours of my life I’ll never get back and another round of swearing I’m not going to waste my time with that hamble scramble production is on ice until next year, when I’m pretty sure I’ll do it all over again. The shenanigans are plentiful, the highlights are few, but Rihanna’s hair (and her pretty white, floor-length gown) stood above just about all else in my rundown of the evening. Everyone is hooping it up about Miley Cyrus’ cut—and I’ll admit, it does look cute and refreshingly spunky—but truth be told, it’s the same style Rih Rih rocked years ago. 

Somewhere along the line, lip injections became a thing. A really popular thing. And I really wish it hadn't.

It just grinds my gears to see beautiful, vivacious stars getting work done. More so when it's collagen injections. It's like, yeah, okay, I said pucker up but geez! I didn't mean it like THAT. I get your desire to make improvements (I'd like luscious lips, too), but I could never justify going through with it. I think that as you age, the unnaturally perky and lifted parts of your body -- like breast implants -- draw more attention. Maybe even unwanted attention.

More from The Stir: 5 Celebrities Who Shouldn't Have Gotten Nose Jobs (PHOTOS)

Point is, I vote NO for the fake, fuller, plumper lips. And here today to prove my point are five beautiful stars who should have skipped the collagen:

Ahhh, the infamous optical illusion dress. Since the first (and the second and third) time I saw Kate Winslet wearing the dress, I wasn't a huge fan. Even if I could put the $3,900 price tag aside, the garment just looked kinda funky to me. But leave it to Kris Jenner to change my mind. Kris rocked the illusion dress to an event last night in New York City.

Shoot, momma look gooooood. I have an inkling as to why I'm feelin' Kris in the standout number a little more than Ms. Winslet. And no, it's not just because I'm a Kardashianista.

Walk with me, here:

Tonight's the night we find out who Bachelor Ben Flajnik chooses to be his future ex-wife. Lindzi Cox and Courtney Robertson, our two lovely finalists, are vying for Ben's affection, even though he's a total dud with the sex appeal of a child's homemade mitten. He with his butt-cut and they in their dresses, the final rose ceremony is a time to both reflect on their relationships and, of course, their outfits. Ben's been comparing Lindzi and Courtney all season long, so one last head to head competition just seems natural.

To that end, we've gotten a sneak peek at the gowns that both Lindz and Court will wear tonight and it's time we decided, oh yes, who looks better. The Possessionista got the scoop that Lindzi is wearing a feathered Todashi Shoji gown with her hair half up, half down, and that Courtney's donning a black Alberto Makali dress with elbow-high black leather gloves and hair parted down the middle. Let's discuss.

Question. What happens when a 26-year-old beauty starts morphing into a 53-year-old woman? Does her voice start to get a little crackly? Do her hands get all veiny? Does she start complaining about hot flashes and minor incontinence? Because frankly, I'm starting to worry about what Amanda Seyfried must be going through. In a matter of weeks, the In Time star has turned into Madonna. She's aged about 30 years and may or may not have completed a metamorphosis only Franz Kafka could be proud of.