Faux Fur Tails Are the Latest Fashion Accessory -- Um, WTF?

ASOS Tell Tails

The more technology advances, the more I can't help but enjoy the conveniences that come along with it -- namely, online shopping, and especially at online megagiant ASOS. However, fan or not, I just don't know if I can support or even justify the sudden need for animal tails to accessorize your look. I realize that in the realm of weird sh*t people do, this is on the lower end of the spectrum (hey, #McChicken guy!), but I feel the need to appeal to the public's better judgment.


The online retailer is selling "Tell Tails" to step your style up to the next level, which is fine. Strange, but fine. Shoppers currently have the option of accessorizing with a fox, wolf, dinosaur, leopard, or cat tail, and get this -- it will normally cost you anywhere from $24 to $40. While the tails are a bit of a phenom at the festival scene (looking at you, Coachella), I'm just a bit weirded out over the thought of wearing one. 

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ASOS Tell Tails

But Mic dug even deeper -- because, why not? -- and asked an ASOS rep to expand on why exactly they chose to add tails to their fashion offerings. The rep said: 

Novelty is featuring more and more in our 20-something customers' lives .... They love humorous pieces that create Snap-able moments for their social channels and are also fun for festivals. It is always our priority to know what our customers are loving and ensure we have the right product for that moment.

Novelty or not, as a responsible (millennial) adult, I will say there is no way you could get me to drop that much money for something that you can snag at the local party store for far less coin than ASOS is charging. And, that's only given that any sensible adults would actually want to run around on any ordinary day with tails -- which apparently they do.  

On its website, Tell Tale prides itself on providing "an exercise in silliness" -- which isn't hard to believe when you're looking at its "About" page for your new dinosaur tail and find that the promotional image is one of a toddler with a tail.

ASOS Tell Tails

But, this is probably more personal than anything for me. Not a style thing, not a silly thing -- just personal. I wish I had the money to blow on a freaking $40 tail, seriously. In my world, 20 bucks -- let alone 40 -- is a bit too life-changing in my day-to-day to just splurge on playing dress up.

There are so many other ways I'd rather be spending my money, like: a good meal OR giving my landlord the money for our utility bill on time OR three bottles of good, cheap wine.

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There's clearly a steep price to be paid when you're trying to keep up with social media and the inspired trends, but the only question is -- are you willing to pay it? 

The answer: If it's not high quality faux fox fur or unless it has some magical power, then hell no. For this to make sense, I need this tail to keep me warm at night.

And, if you somehow thought the answer was still "yes, I want to make this absurd purchase," shoot me a line so that I can get you a financial adviser, who will probably tell you that wasting your money on bullsh*t is a big, hard no.  


Image via ASOS

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