2016 Oscar Gift Bags to Include $19K 'Vampire Breast Lift' & More Bizarre Swag

oscar goody bags

The goody bags given out to Academy Awards attendees have come to symbolize swag at its most over the top, but this year ... ? This year, each individual bag is worth over $200,000 (!!), and the items inside are more insanely extravagant than ever: A $19,000 vampire breast lift, anyone?

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No, seriously, vampire breast lifts are a real thing (more on that in a minute), and they're just one of many bizarre -- and bizarrely overpriced -- beauty-related gratis gifts getting tucked into those coveted bags in 2016, along with other posh presents including a 10-day, first-class trip to Israel worth $55,000 and unlimited Audi car rentals from Silvercar ($45,000). From the following list of giveaways, it's clear there are no losers at the Oscars: Who cares if you take home a statue when you know you're gonna end up taking home this celeb-worthy swag

Vampire Breast Lift ($19,000)

We promised we'd explain, and here's the gist of it: Created by Charles Runels, MD (who also invented the Vampire Facelift we all remember Kim Kardashian trying out), this procedure involves injecting a woman's cleavage with her own blood to make it more youthful in appearance. Sure, why not?

Ultherapy ($5,530)

Botox? Blah. This non-invasive laser skin-tightening procedure is all the rage!

Lifetime Supply of Skin Cream from Lizora ($31,200)

Sure, $31,200 sounds like a lot of money for skin cream -- but this stuff is made with green tea, you guys.

Three Private Training Sessions with Jay Cardiello, "Celebrity Wellness Expert" and Star of ABC's My Diet Is Better Than Yours ($1,400)

Well, at least now we know how much Hollywood types spend on a personal training session (a lot).

A Fit Club TV "Ultimate Fitness Package" ($6,250) 

Whatever this "package" includes, it apparently happens in a private villa. Of course.

More from The Stir: Oscar Swag Bags Have $80K in Loot: Here's What the Stars Will Get

Joseph's Toilet Paper ($390)

Because "perfect bathroom hygiene isn't just a luxury. It's an essential." (For real, that's what it says on the fancy toilet paper website.)
 
Nuelle Fiera Arouser for Her ($350)
 
If $350 sounds like a high price to pay for a sex toy, well, it is. That said, this thing does look pretty scientific.
 
Dandi Patch Underarm Sweat Patches ($29)
 
Okay, so not everything on the list costs a zillion dollars, and sweat patches are pretty practical for protecting clothes from stains (although not strapless gowns!).
 
Celebs ... they're nothing like us! Except the sweating part. We can totally relate to that part.

 

Image © James Leynse/Corbis and ©iStock.com/Csondy

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