You guys, I just found my new favorite kind of underwear. It's a strapless thong: A strip of fabric that runs from the top of your nether regions to the base of your tailbone. It has a kind of reusable adhesive that sticks to your skin -- no string attached, so to speak. And it could save women everywhere from wardrobe malfunctions.
I know what you're thinking -- strapless thong?!? Why the hell do I need THAT? I'll tell you why: Because it lets you avoid visible panty lines without putting you through the torture of wearing a thong. Apparently this is what a lot of celebs have been wearing under their fancy gowns the past couple of years, especially when they wear delicate dresses with those sheer panels running up the sides. I suppose they could just go commando, and many do. But there's a significant reason why they -- and moms like me -- might prefer a strapless thong to going commando.
1. Because of the children. If you're chasing around little children all day, you must wear underwear. This is for so many reasons, but definitely because children and sexy times do not mix. And besides, what if you have to bend over, go upside-down, slide down a slide at a public playground, sit at the edge of a filthy sand box? Eww.
2. Because the office is not a commando-friendly environment. It makes me uncomfortable if I'm someplace un-sexy like the office. I need to focus here at my job. Having the distraction of going panty-less is not going to help me write all day. I'll ditch the undies maybe when I'm on a date. Otherwise, the fewer "blips" in my day, the better.
3. Because of feminine discharge. I love the idea of a strapless thong because I, like many other women, have that fun stuff half the days of the month. My periods last at least five days, too, and they're heavy (yes, I've seen a doctor, I'm fine). I'd rather not get all that on my clothing, you know?
Too much information? Well, it needs to be said. Life can be a bit messy like that.
4. Because I'm a floozy who wears tight skirts. Haha, kidding ... mostly. But seriously, I do prefer wearing slim-fitting clothing, skirts, and pants. I don't do Spanx because I like breathing. And so-called seamless panties shift around and bunch up. So usually I'll just endure the torture that is a thong. But if I could wear a thong without it? That's a win-win situation right there.
So I say yes to the strapless thong.
What do you think -- would you try a strapless thong or do they seem pointless to you?