The next best thing to winning an Academy Award is losing one. Not because it's just an honor to be nominated -- never mind all that gibberish -- but because those celebs left in the dust STILL get to take home $80,000 in gifts this year! Can you imagine? You can buy a three-bedroom house in some places for that amount of money. The 2014 Oscar gift bags are an upgrade from last year's swag, which wasn't too shabby and included $45,000 worth of amazing consolation prizes, including a trip to Australia and Kim Kardashian's favorite $5,000 "Vampire Facelift."
From vaginal rejuvenation treatments (no joke!) to a trek through the Rocky Mountains and all the maple syrup a person can consume in one lifetime, here's a look at what will be inside this year's "Everyone Wins at the Oscars" gift bag.
- $2,700 O-Shot procedure, which "rejuvenates and enhances the genital tissue of a woman."
- $16,000 for hair restoration surgery using ARTAS Robotic Hair Transplant system
- A two-day rail journey on the Rocky Mountaineer luxury train, which includes an overnight stay in Vancouver, worth $6,850
- $15,000 walking tour through non-touristy spots in Japan
- $9,000 Best of Las Vegas trip, which includes a face-to-face meeting with Boyz II Men
- $3,300 in resort stays at the Imanta resort in Ocean Casa
- 5-night stay at the Koloa landing resort in Kauai, worth $2,000
- 10 personal training sessions with Huntley Drive Fitness, worth $850
- $59 of portion-conscious dinnerware from Slimware
- $40 of weight loss products like Hydroxycut gummies, protein bars, and shakes
- $2,560 Steamist Total Sense Home Spa System
- $4,895 Krystal Klear Water's house water filtration system
- $7,706 in pet products, including a year's supply of pet supplements and a $6,100 donation to the pet shelter of the celeb's choice
- $280 worth of organic maple syrup and an adoption certificate of a maple tree in Notre-Dame-Des-Bois
- $95 worth of horse shampoo made for people
- $120 in Mace pepper spray guns
- $279 Narrative Clip automatic camera
Is this not the oddest round-up of prizes you can imagine? From the sublime (I'll take a walking tour of Japan any day) to the truly bizarre (O-shots? Horse shampoo?), I can't say I understand the logic behind all of these miscellaneous gifts. Where does one even store so much maple syrup? But, hey, it's better than leaving the awards empty handed.
Would you be excited to receive this year's Oscar gift bag?
Image via cliff1066/Flickr