I hate to break it to you, but you're probably suffering from a super-fugly physical detriment: The loathsome "thut"! I know -- a WHAT? Have no fear: NYMag.com is compounding our worst holiday weight gain fears by spelling it out for us in a recent workout tutorial on targeting your thut. Apparently, if your work is sedentary/requires you to be any sort of variation on an "office drone," you most likely sit on your thut 98.9 percent of the time, and thus, you develop an affliction "where there ceases to be a distinction between the end of your thigh and the beginning of your butt."
And this, my dears, is cause for great concern! So much so that we need to be getting off our thuts ASAP and making haste to the gym to do push-ups, planks, and dead lifts galore to target this new trouble zone you didn't even know you were supposed to be freaking out about UNTIL NOW.
And once you're done with working on your thut, you better turn your attention to acquiring a bikini bridge and thigh gap and prominent collarbone, ladies. What's the best protocol for obtaining those coveted characteristics? (Lemme guess: It has something to do with skipping food.)
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You know what, never mind. Here's what I really want to know: Why in the world are we supposed to care about any of this insulting bullshit? And when's the last time men were expected to aspire to some sort of extremely neurotic, made-up body part or lack of body part that only certain runway models and unicorns have? I mean, really, give us a break! Like we don't have enough to worry about.
Even though I feel like these "thinspirational" aspirations often boil down to sad attempts to subvert women and nudge us to fixate on something inane that gives us absolutely NO power, I also get it to some extent. We all have parts of our body we're not thrilled with, that we wish were tighter, more toned, more shapely, etc. But aren't there enough of those without having to start with brand-new and improved for the 21st century dictionary entries? Hey, personally, I'm perfectly content worrying about my "bat wings" (aka upper arm flab) alone!
Also, I feel like I'm doing a pretty damn good job by just working out regularly, running a brush through my hair, and slapping on some lipstick. Newsflash: Most of us don't have the time or need to nitpick our appearance into oblivion. So, as for these cockamamie, neo-"trouble zones" most of us have never even thought of before, stand with me, ladies, and vow not to give a flying thut.
What do you think about these new "trouble zones" or body aspirations? Have you ever worried about your "thut"?
Image via Sam Diephuis/Corbis