Worst Fashion Trend Ever Is Coming Back & We're Saying NO!

Rant 32

thong
No. Just, no.
So here's a word I was hoping never to read ever again for the rest of my life: Thong. As in, g-string, butt floss, death by panties. It's back, ladies. Or so says our favorite chronicle of misogyny, the Daily Mail. They just ran a story called Return of the Thong Led by bla bla bla, some British model and WAG I've never heard of -- but Rihanna and Miley Cyrus are in on it, too. The point is, the DM provided photographic proof that this instrument of torture is making a comeback. And all I can say is, NOOOOO!!!!

 

Actually, I can say a hell of a lot more than NO. In fact, I feel it's my duty to help shove the thong back into the anals of fashion history. Derr, you know what I mean. IXNAY on the ONGTHAY! I am boycotting this trend out of respect for my ass.

Full disclosure: I do own one pair. (Why am I sharing this information?!? It's none of your business! This job sometimes, I swear, the things it makes me do...) I bought it as a misguided attempt to avoid panty lines. But it turns out they're unnecessary. There are seamless panies out there that will do the job much more comfortably -- and they'll even look better, since you still get panty lines with thongs. You just get those lines in other places.

Or one could go commando. For the record, my acknowledgement that going commando is an option does not qualify as an admission that I have ever done so.

If you've ever worn a thong you know about that awkward chafing. I knew a woman who swore to me that if I'd just wear them for two weeks I would get used to the feeling, but I just don't buy it. Literally, I am not investing in that much underwear just for the experiment.

Now let's deal with the other thong problem: Men love them. I think that peekaboo thong above the jeans looks trashy. But apparently a lot of guys think thongs are hot because OMG, your ass is all out there. (And I'm afraid our discomfort is at least a small part of the appeal...) I still say there are more comfortable ways to do sexy undies -- like those teeny bikini panties that enable ample underbutt. Long live the underbutt! Just as long as I don't have to suffer for it.

There. I'm glad we have this conversation. As you were, ladies. Carry on.

How do you feel about thongs?

 

Image via movethelife/Flickr

style, clothes

32 Comments

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Sarah Reed

Love them! They are sexy and comfy!

Movie... Moviebuff

But there are several features of thongs that put you at risk for health issues.



Many thongs, particularly the sexy lacy kinds, are made of non-breathable materials, as opposed to cotton. "We should all always be wearing all cotton underwear," Dr. Ghofrany advises. This includes the material of the entire panty, not just the fabric at the crotch. "When patients say [to me], 'But the crotch is cotton,' my response is that the layer outside the crotch is not, thus making the cotton less breathable and thus allowing more moisture to be trapped and more possible imbalance leading to infections."



Plus, even if the entire garment is cotton, the skinny shape creates an inherent risk. "The patient's vulva is much more 'exposed' to whatever they're wearing," Dr. Ghofrany explains, "and given the increase in leggings and 'skinny' jeans, all of which have Lycra, Spandex, etc., there again is trapped moisture."



Lastly, the thin band of material at the crotch tends to move around, possibly transferring bacteria from one spot to another. As Dr. Rabin tells, us, "If you have a little bacteria -- E. coli is the most common bacteria in the colon -- in the back part of the fabric and you're physically active, that material may move. All it has to do is move an inch or two and it's next to the vagina or urethra. That thong may be depositing colonic bacteria into your vagina or urethra." Yikes.

adamat34 adamat34

I didnt know this was a "trend"-....Ive always.just thought it was underwear. Learn something.new everyday!!

nonmember avatar Jess

It's all a matter of how much you want shoved up your booty... thongs are so much more comfortable.

EmmaF... EmmaFromEire

Well aren't you an rude asshole about british celebrities...

Anna Potts

i love my thongs im 22 and never had an infection since i started wearing them at 15! no pain, no lines...and my ass looks great in them! its a win win maybe you are wearing the wrong size...one to small might be trying to squeeze back to its shape causing pain.

PRIMA487 PRIMA487

I wasn't aware that they had gone away. Some musings are best left to your own abode and not for sites.

nonmember avatar Victoria

Ya, I'm 28, been wearing thongs since I was 14, exclusively since I was 16, and I've never found them uncomfortable unless I accidentally bought the wrong size. But regular patties that are too small are just as uncomfortable! Ice also never had and sort of infection, STD, yeast infection or anything. I think saying thongs cause those is a lie. The one person I know that gets them often even wears regular panties. I've also never knew they went away, they've never been hard to find after all, and at least 85% of the ladies I know wear them primarily, if not exclusively.

nonmember avatar michelle

I think it is funny that you are saying the thong is "RETURNING". The thong never went away. I has been a staple of women's undergarments for 20 years. True, they were a little risqué when they became mainstream in the mid 1990's and women were flaunting them over the waistband of their jeans. They have evolved into a fashion staple that are indispensable to a woman's wardrobe. I am a working professional mom of 3, I started wearing thongs in college and have not worn anything else for the last 15 years. They are not just for rock stars, movie stars and socialites, they are a basic garment for everyday women too.

nonmember avatar val

They are gross and unsanitary.

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