Liquid Gold Eye Liner Is Ridiculous & Moms Have No Business Wearing It

I'll give it to Katy Perry. She can wear gold grillz and flash a snarl and still manage to look gorgeous. But gold teeth isn't something you just wear because it's a gold teeth kind of day. What kind of day actually is a gold teeth kind of day anyway? Certainly not one of those too rushed to brush your teeth days. Not a rainy day thing. And not one of those I need to wear a pretty dress because I'm bloated and feel ugly kind of days. I kind of feel the same way about liquid gold liner -- specifically this new stuff from Jane cosmetics. It's like grillz for your eyes.

I'm all about smudging tons of blackest black all around my peepers with my lashes heavily inked in blacker than black or just hiding behind sunglasses. I'd dabble in certain blues or greens. Maybe a little streak of silver on the lower lash line when I'm feeling frisky. But I think if you are going to put some serious gold bling liquid liner on your eyes, then you should just be prepared to act like a unicorn.


Not that there's anything wrong with acting like a unicorn. Everyone loves a unicorn. They make people happy. I would assume their farts are peony-scented and leave behind a rainbow-colored crop-dust -- who wouldn't want that? That's like magic. That IS magic. Magic is magical!

Refinery 29 writer Gabrielle Korn tested this gold liner out and the result was absolutely unicorn-esque. Of course it was. Her gorgeous skin, pixie haircut, thin neck with no sign of age or wrinkle -- I wanted to hate her with that perfect line of gold on her lid. But I loved her. In the same way I love unicorns. But could I pull this off? Oh hell no. Not even on the darkest night with a dark crystal as my guide. I would look like I was trying to be Rainbow Brite after a drinking binge. And no one wants me to look like that when I'm running after my kids at the playground. I would scare people. I would be the opposite of what a unicorn should be. I would be the unicorn who galloped too close to sun and then fell in the leprechan's pot of gold and came out with gold where it's not supposed to be.

Jane's liquid liner is also waterproof so you can cry a crystal clear river of dreams and you will still be a gold-dusted eye woman. Or emerge from the pool perfectly gilded, the sun catching the flecks making it seem like golden beams of gorgeousness propel from your eyes. If it was something you could actually pull off, that is. Or if you weren't me. Thankfully it comes in black (and a whole bunch of other colors), too.

Would you ever wear gold liner? What do you think of the look?


Image via Jane Cosmetics

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