Flight Attendants Banned From Wearing Red Lipstick & Nails -- Which Will Obviously Mean Fewer Crashes

A Turkish airline has decided to embrace more Islamic values by clamping down on the slutty overly made-up looks of its airline attendants. The airline has banned the use of red or dark pink lipstick or nail polish on its stewardesses. And thank Allah, because those attendants' lipstick colors were really a danger to the country's morality! Seriously, a good family man might see that and go crazy -- immediately cheat on his wife and rob a bank! Says the airline:

As a consequence of our current cabin uniforms not including red, dark pink, etc., the use of lipstick and nail polish in these colours by our cabin crew impairs visual integrity.

"Visual integrity" being another way of saying, "Red lipstick will send us all straight to hell!!!"

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So what can the stewardesses wear? The airline wants them to be "artless and well-groomed, with makeup in pastel tones." Because nothing says "airline safety" like "pastel tones," amiright? Said one passenger:

I've never heard of a plane crashing because of women's lipstick.

You haven't?! Silly man. You need to get out more often. Well, I'm glad Turkish Airlines is concentrating on what's important. Hmm. I wonder what else the airline should ban. I'm thinking:

Tampons. We know what those evil sticks are all about!

Neck pillows. What do you need your neck comfortable for? So you can LIE DOWN? Dog!

Guns. Err. Hopefully?? Is this all about makeup?

Those little bottles of booze. We know that could lead to an all-out orgy!

Bruce Willis movies. No one wants to see those. Seriously.

Mascara. Do not flutter those fake eyelashes at me, harlot!

Orange lipstick. Because that's just ugly. Talkin' to you, J. Lo.

What else should we ban on airlines?

 

Image via Jerine/Flickr

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